Thanksgiving

what i am thankfull for. as always, that i am alive and well, for my family, for school and a good place to live, and for sure Jon.

Today was a good day. not too much happening. just hung out around the house all day. got some of the stuff in my room organized, deciding what i want to bring with when i move out or things that could be gotten rid of and so on. mya helped me with it. she was by my side all day today. i thought it kinda crazy that she was actually that nice to me and liked me. i think she gave me the most hugs i have ever gotten from her today. so i will say, it was a good thanksgiving to be able to have a bonding time with my baby sister. with the other sister, barely saw her today. she went to a movie with bob and then when they came back he stood in my room and talked to me while erin just stood there like the third wheel. i felt bad, i didnt mean to take him from her like that, but it was nice to talk to him again. catch up a bit. he is a great guy and has such a giving heart.

anyways, i just got off the phone with jon sounded like his thanksgiving went well. i'm happy for him. i wish we could have been together, last year we were though and not with our families. i guess this year is the total opposite of last years. wow, just thought of that now, crazy bananas. so jon and i have been away from eachother now for 24 hours. i feel like it has been longer, i dont know how i got through last year and the year before being so far apart. i couldnt even put a number to how many times i thought of him today. i am so excited to marry this man, he means the world to me and more. only 38 days left! i was thinking about last year and my senior year of high school and it made me remember how much i looked forward to getting a call from jon or me calling him even getting a text message or email or mail at all was very exciting. i never thought, but always wished, that the two of us would be planing our wedding at the age of 20. it fills my heart with so much joy. i love every bit of him, his faults, his strengths, his smile, his walk, he is the most hansom man i have ever met. he touches my heart in a way that no other person could ever do. i love him, want to serve him, want to hold him, and want to grow old with him. he will always be in my heart. nothing could replace him. i am fully and joyfully in love.

I got sunshine, on a cloudy day!

three days of sunshine in a row! that is a record so far up here. I'm loving every bit of it. other than the sun there is lots of thing happening. still looking for a job and finally getting some place with the appartments, thank God. I have also now signed up for classes for next semester, its ganna be a boring gen ed. semester. taking sociology 273, english 101 (over again, dumb proff.), literature 222, chem 100, and psychology 101. yeah, i am going to have a lot of writing on my hands, but hopefully it will all turn out good. also by taking some of these classes it will save money because I wont have to take them at the art institute, which we will be paying $402 per credit. so that is about 11 thousand dollars saved, which is what i have prety much payed for one year of schooling that is already payed for here.

other than that, still counting down the days till the wedding it's 41 days and 5 hours. prety exciting. things are getting a little more down to the wire now. I'm going in for my fitting this Saturday for my dress, the girls have already gone in. and we have decided to wait on their shoes and pick them out once they get into town before the wedding, I pray to God that we will be able to find some good ones then, a little scary. Also, some people have still not replied saying if they are going to attend the wedding or not, which is kinda crazy, we need to know by this weekend cause that is when we have the meeting with jenna. but anyways, i should get my paper done that is due tomorrow. yuck!

getting stuff done

oh wow, lots of things to do. a few test this week, a few papers next week. some ending of the bigger wedding plans. just down to the nitty gritty like where we are going to live and how are we going to pay for it...

i have a few more things to do to get done for the art institute. like write a few explanations and stuff for loans and do the 2007/08 FAFSA saying i am going to be an independent student. i pray to God that that will give jon and I way more loans and hopefully lots of grants cause otherwise we are going to be broke and living on the streets. but i am extremely excited to move to denver. wow that is so crazy to say that i will not be in minnesota anymore. but then again it is crazy to say that i am in college for one, and second going to get married in 47 days! wowzers, yeah. and plus, i cant believe i went 11 hours from home last year to BHSU and now am living in the dreadfull wisconsin (still have the grudges against wisconsin, sorry, dont think they will ever be gone). ok so the grudges arent as bad as i make them sound. *sigh*

alright back to work here, i have to get focused...

crazy stuff going on!

so the other day i was with jon and we went into our friend jake's room. jake showed us a cd or dvd that he got from sony records and on it was a white powdery substance. he then decided to look up anthrax. he also took it to the police and the police told him later that they werent going to test it but they did have to destroy it just in case. jake's doc gave him meds for it just in case. so i think it is kinda crazy that the police dept. didnt even test to see what it was, even if it wasnt anthrax.

anyways, other than that, not too much is going on here. jon and i are still looking for jobs. its really stressing me out and i think him too. we need jobs and fast. otherwise we wont even be able to live after we get married, unless we want to rely on our parents for the rest of our lives. most people hiring are just seasonal which we cant work otherwise we would have had a job a long time ago. also, some of the people hiring are taking forever to hire, like the holiday down the road from campus. they could have had me a month ago, but no they just finally took the now hiring sign down and are going to get around to looking at the apps once they get time. its crazy stuff, and i am going to go crazy too!

another thing, im going back on the depression meds (seasonal depression). i hate to admit it but it is best for me. my moods have been up and down and i hate that i have no control over that. also i hate that i am putting jon through it too. i am so lucky to have a man like him. i love him lots and lots. hey on that subject 49 days left until we married and 186 days until the end of the school year! only 18 days left of class this semester! alright, now it is off to lunch...

something funny

why did the boy throw the butter out his window?



he wanted to see a butterfly


yeah i know, laffy taffy is great...

 

 

 

 

its going down!!

every day i am getting more and more excited about the future! 59 days 20 hours and approx 40 minutes until the wedding starts. wow. . . i remember back in the day when i never pictured myself finding the man i loved. and God has sent someone even better than i had ever imagined. my heart is so in love its hard to contain. trials have come and gone but through every one we have grown stronger and i love him more after every one. WOW! 59 days, come on... two month from yesterday!
all we have left to worry about is the smaller things and the flowers. hopefully the flowers and the cake decision will be taken care of within the next few weeks. oh yeah and we have the trial of music. i really have no idea what is ganna happen there.

school is going prety well. the band teacher is gone until next thursday which is great. i really have this thing against her. she is the worst conducter i have ever had. her grose teeth drive me crazy too. other than that, spanish hopefully will get better, at least a D, that is all I am aiming for. I just need to pass the class so that I dont have to add another 3 credits to next semester. I only have 8 credits left to get my AA degree. which if i really would have thought about it, i probably could have gotten it done this semester. oh well. then after my AA degree jon and i are on our way out to denver. i officially got accepted to the art institute of colorado. i am ganna go for photography. fulfiling my hearts dream/desire. I cant wait to be back by the mountains and so on. i wont lie, i will probably miss it here in minnesota, at least some of the things (not the mosquitoes though, thats for sure!) like corn fields, some of the farms, black soil. but i am ready to be near the mountains, the newness of it all. i am so ready to leave. when i get mad or scared i feel like i want to run away, i just want to leave the place i am at. to be somewhere that i cant be. thats not how i feel now but i just wanted to write that so i remember that later.

:)

getting closer

i'm stressed... and i dont even have a good excuse to be stressed. life is being good and all. but yet i feel the loads hanging over my head.

by the end of this week i need to get all my information in for the Art Institute; which I have prety much all of it in except my unofficial transcript from here and my fafsa forms, which isnt too bad. but then i feel like school got busy all of the sudden, which it didnt. then jon and i are both looking for jobs and have not yet recieved one. we have been trying for over a month, which totally sucks, pray for us please!

today

i wish most of all to walk through spearfish canyon. my greatest hearts desire for the day...

the fresh air breezing past me, the colors vibrating through my eyes, smelling the fresh crisp fall air as it enters and exits my body. i smile and imagine myself there, captured in the moment, driving up the slope of beauty or walking on the gravel as it crunches beneath my feet, water sofly running to my left. it speaks to me, whispering pleasurable things in my ears. my soul smiles with glee. but it is only a desire...

you know you are in college when...

you are walking accross campus and see a professor running to his next class.

noventa y ocho

98 days and 20 hours until I am married!!

life is crazy busy. i had my first spanish test on friday which i totally screwed it and failed, that was not cool at all. after that i waited a few minutes for jon and while doing that i got my laundry together and then him and i headed for home. the trip is only 140 miles. for some reason i thought it was longer than that. but going at 75 miles per hour its about 1 hour and 40 minutes.

i met up with shelli for a little bit at roseville mall. that was bundles of fun. it made me so happy just to see her beautiful face! that night after driving back home in the crazy rain (which i have to say i dont remember it raining this much in september since we moved into our house when i was 9) jon and i got back to my house and watched a movie. mya had a huge fit and was brought down and we couldnt hear the movie. i guess she is sick so whatever. anyways, jon stayed in my room (that was funny, kinda weird to think of my fiance sleeping in the bed i grew up in, in my parents house and it being ok). i stayed on erins couch thing in her room. it wasnt too comfortable.

saturday jon, erin and i headed to st. paul and went to shelli's cross country meet. it was huge! fun though. I wish I could have kidnapped her and shown her around the cities, all the cool sights. but that is alright, i really enjoyed seeing her. i miss her already! funny thing happened, i told the newspaper that i was going to be at a xc meet in st. paul and said that it was big and if they needed any pics for the paper cause they had talked about needing pics. and guess what UWS was there. so i took some bad pics with jon's digital. after the meet we went and ordered the wedding invitations, so check, another thing is done off the list. wow.

jon and i got back to campus around 7. its so beautiful up here. today we checked out a church and the time we went was there old start time. the people were really friendly though so maybe it will be a good one. then him and i went around the city and hicked, took some pics. it was good. i got some pics up on the hill of lake superior and down on minnesota point. it was very beautiful. perfect weather...

the promethean

and im in... i just got done with a meeting for the school paper, the promethean. i am now a photographer and on the editorial staff. that is very exciting! meaning im starting up in my major finally. the people seem really nice and will be good people to work with. it should be a good time. my first day taking pictures is this friday for a volleyball game. and im off...

me and mya

starting new

so jon and i obviosly started UWS this fall. through the orientation i found this guy that i had seen at sonshine a few summers in a row. so we have been playing with zach and jamie the last few days. last night we played penuchle (sp. error). that was really fun. zach and i were on a team and wooped jon and jamie (j to the second power). this morning we went to church with a them and then went out to luch with a few of the kids our age from the church. we all agreed that we are not going back to that church. it is good that we already have good christian friends that are awesome to hang out with. i have to say that has to be a God thing.

other than that, im kinda having a hard time getting used to everything. i think that it will be a lot better after classes actually start. but until then i dont know what we will do, play more games with jamie and zach i suppose. at least that is the plan for today. alright, later...

UWS

so i moved into the dorms yesterday. interesting times. before i left this year i had my mom take some pics at the stop sign/"bus stop" like when i was little. it was cool, i have to now download the pics off of jons camera (moms ran out of batteries, suprise suprise) but after we got that done jon and i were on our way out. yesterday i built up my loft and now i just have a little bit of organizing to do with my stuff. the dorms dont compare at all to BH's but whatever, it will all be good after i get used to it. dude and one of the get to know you game things i was talking to this kid and i had a double take. he was a guy that i had seen a few years ago at sonshine, he had always been at the showmobile. but anyways, jon and i talked to him and his girlfriend at dinner last night, i hope we stay cool, they seem really awesome. it was a good start to the new year at a new school.

i have lots of stuff to share about this summer, i just havent taken the time to sit down and type it out yet. sorry.

pics from colorado

another menial day

work was not too interesting today, i kept busy - yes. but i was fileing stuff prety much the whole time. and after a while, that does get boring.

yesterday on the contrary was a grand day. work went by fast and i wasnt fileing all day, i was writing a bunch of letters for randy. but last night was the best. i headed over to jons and he had a bonfire at his house on the beach. it was my first time having a bonfire on the beach (well besides the other day when he had another one) so i guess technically it was my second, but it was though my first time doing smores on the beach. haha. alright. chris and jottie came over and jake came down and hung out with us. steven was already there helping jon. after the fire had been finally started jake put a can of spray paint into the fire. i cant believe that kid is still alive. wow. anyways, the first one didnt do anything but the second made a huge band and burst of flames. it was really awesome. right when the bang happened jon's parents got home and heard it. they were a little weary about it. chris had been telling us the whole time about things that would happen because his uncle did that ever year on the 4th of July. It was totally cool though. the night was fun, ate some smores and then hung out at the fire until everyone left.

now i am ganna go, i have to finish reading the great gadspy. i have only like 10 pages left. i cant believe it is this late in the summer and i have only read one book. that is crazy, normally i have read a bunch by now. even last year i did and i had two jobs then too. oh well.

the latest moment captured

today was my last day at farmstead. it was kinda sad but yet crazy to think that i am done there. i will say that the evening went great and was a good ending to a worthwhile job. other than that not much is happenin. Jon and I are working on invitations and the cake. we start the marriage counciling this coming saturday and I get to volunteer at 3 degrees for the first time this friday!!! very exciting. other than that, I have started counting down the days until the move in day for fall semester of '06. crazy to think that i am a sophmore in college already. I am so excited and enthused; ready to get out of this house and out on my own again. 17 days until move in!! my roommate and I have emailed eachother a few times. not really gotten to know eachother too well, more-so business info being talked about.

here are some pics that i have taken lately. enjoy...

briskly leaving

summer vacation is briskly leaving us and hopefully the heat also. this last week has been beautiful weather wise, the week before that was horrid. it was up in the hundreds, without the humidity factored into that.

today was a great munday, to me it felt like sunday. it was my first day off in quite a while. except that i went back to work, farmstead, and volunteered for the first time in what seems like forever. i helped out with bingo on memory care 1 and then did aerobics of the mind which was very awesome. i enjoyed the aerobics soooo much. if i were here longer i would totally do it more often. with the AOTM you just tell weird stories found ask questions like what is something you would change about yourself, and then that gets all the people going. the ladies were so funny and sweet. they were telling stories about how they had traveled, laurane she said that she always wanted to be an artist, kathleen said she married her uncle (in law). that was an interesting story. another question was if you could change anything about your marriage, what would it be? a few of the ladies said it wouldnt have happened. i was suprised when a few of them said they had been divorced, in that generation it just suprised me. i could go on and on, there is so much that i would love to share but i need to get to bed. anyways, by volunteering today it reminded me on how much i like doing that. it gave me so much joy and i had a blast doing it. that is one thing i wish i had never stopped.

besides the volunteering i went out to jon's place today. we didnt really do much, hung around the house with his family, joke around with his brother while he made tacos. jake is a good cook, he has tallents in two totally different relms. i like jake though. other than that jon and his cousin steven are starting on all the landscaping so they had a bon fire, which was illegal (you couldnt jump over the flames unless you wanted to scold your crotch). it was good though; until the mosquitoes came out for the night. then they got the fire down and we headed in and watched another don knotts movie. we are having a movie marathon with don here some night. we have about 6 of his movies.

anyways, its off to bed. i have to get up tomorrow to work both jobs. fun fun. i only have two days left at farmstead which is kinda sad. like i said with one of the residents after the aerobics of the mind, you have to count your blessings. very true. later

lifes a joke

sorry, havent written for a while. i really had hoped that i would write more this summer. i know i did well until july came around the bend. i'm just going crazy now. the whole wedding and everything. i am very very excited to get married! i love my family and everything but i feel as if i am going to go insain. there is a lot to think about. at least some of the things are done; place, time, date, food, my dress, bridesmaids dresses, guys shoes/girls reception shoes (allstars!!) and so on. wowzers.

i feel like i have been working everyday all summer. which i prety much have, working everyday but friday at lake country homes, and then the weekends at farmstead. yet money is going in one side and out the other, dont really know where it is going. but anyways.

i am so excited to go back to school, one i get out of this crazy house, two i will have jon 5 minutes away instead of 60, third i am so excited to meet my roommate, fourth i miss school in general. i know the last is crazy to say but i do. yes, there is a lot to do at school, but i am ready to get going on my major. i'm so excited to finally be taking photography classes and stuff.... YES!!! So i go back to school for orientation on the 28th. i decided that i am going to go to the new kid orientation because its a good way to start getting to know people. also i think that if jon does it we shouldnt do the same activities so that we start fresh seperatly instead of starting out as one. i dont want to be one of those cupples stuck at the waist, where when you see one you know the other is coming shortly behind. we are kinda like that now but its summer, that doesnt count.

oh something cool, jon and i are going to do a Don Knotts movie marathon tomorrow after i am done working. it is ganna be great. other than that, yesterday i found the bridesmaid dresses and that is exciting. lots of other things have been going on but its time for me to go get ready for the day. later, hopefully i will write more often now that summer is quickly coming to an end.

a few new saying that i made up:
-fire is a reflection of heart's burning desires
-life only casts shadows into places you go without God
-love is a prectious gem formed in the depths of your heart

here are some of the other pics i have taken recently. i think they are prety cool. God has been doing some great things to take pics of.

in the point of a prety picture

here is one pic that i took the other day. i have some more than im ganna post but i dont have tha patience to do it now.

pics from the day

so shelli posted these pics. i like them. brought back some good memories.

farewell farmstead

today i slept in, it felt so good and was well needed. it feels weird because i havent seen jon in two days. we have been hanging out prety much everyday for the last few weeks. I worked 4-7 today and turned in my farewell notice. I will be done working there on the 14th of August. I am excited to leave the place but also a bit saddened. Farmstead has impacted my life a lot. Not really the working there aspect but when I volunteered the people that I played games with and Lorainne, a lady i served at the terrace, were really cool. my letter said:
___________
July 22, 2006
Dear Cheryl,

I will not be able to work after August 14th, 2006. I am going out of town for a few days and then heading off to school the following week. I enjoyed working at Farmstead but it is time for me to move onto something new in life. Farmstead has taught me many different things and has given me countless humorous stories to share and laugh about. Through working and volunteering at farmstead my life has been bettered. Many of the residents have impacted my life and I will never forget them. Thank you for allowing me to work as a dietary aid; I have enjoyed serving you, my coworkers, and the residents. God bless.

Respectfully,
Carrie Anderson
____________
Yeah, kinda a sappy letter, but it is all true. Even though I did get ticked off at some people, and didnt like how things were going I would have to say all in all Farmstead has been a good experience in my life.

Tomorrow my dad and I are going on the Ride 4 Kids. This will be our 3rd or 4th year going. I hope Mrs. Fast will be there this year. She told me earlier in the year that she would be trying to come. After the ride, which is going to totally hurt my butt (sitting on the cycle that long, ouch), Dad and I are meeting up with my mom and we are heading over to club 3 degrees where we are meeting with Nance to talk about the wedding arrangements. I am very excited to be having our wedding there, it is going to be awesome. I hope that everything comes together right and that God just keeps everything in his hands allowing everything to go smoothly.

That reminds me, the other day I met up with Jon at Mall of America because he was near there dropping his sister off at the MSP airport. I had such a good time hanging out with him. We were just hanging out, which needs to be done. I feel like now every time we get together there is something about the wedding brought up and that make a strain on the relationship, we need to just hang out sometimes. Anyways, we walked around the mall, found some game shops. he bought a new folf disk and I played around with the mind games. Those things are way too addicting. I love it!! I'm pathetic. We also went on a few rides, like the ride that used to be called the "mistery mine ride" it was yogii and just wasnt that cool, then we went on the ferris wheel.

We headed back to our cars around 9 and hung out in the parking lot, we skateboarded a bit. I was wearing a skirt, I'm betting that must have been amusing. We also sat on the ledge post and looked out over the edge (we were on the top level) and we spit on this van bellow us. That is so bad but was so amusing. We tried to get it to land on the windshield. Funny. We had some good conversation in there too though. He said that one of the hardest things he has done emotionally has been to get engaged and he also said "it sounds selfish but I dont want you to die because it would hurt me." Yeah sounds kinda weird when I write it down but I totally understand how he feels. That is love there. He had to leave but I didnt want to, he said he didnt want to leave me alone there but I insisted that I would be alright. And I was. After he left I went back onto the ledge and thought through a lot of things. The weather was perfect a little breeze and the sound of cars humming past on the freeway. So badly at that time I wanted to drive away into the horizon and never turn around. I though about how God's majesty goes from horizon to horizon. It it is everywhere and God had so much power yet he is so gentle, allowing us humans to look at our surroundings and withold all his wonder and beauty. We are so blessed to serve the God that we do. Then I headed home and went to sleep. bad ending sorry.

i'm still putting it off

so i still havent written about all the good times that have been happenin. like sonshine, chillin with the homes, jon and me getting engaged, the play on the riverboat, and so on. i will hopefully get to that soon, sorry again.

to keep you entertained i added a few pictures that i have taken in the last month or so.

i'm engaged!!!!!

so Jon and I are engaged!!! I have lots to write, a bunch of funny stories and so on that i need to write down but i havent had enough time to do it yet. hopefully tonight after work i can get to it. there is a lot i have to say and share. :)

45 minutes from boadway

Jon and I went to a play in a showboat off of Harriet Island in St. Paul. The picture of Jon is from the grill that we went to on a boat. I really enjoyed it. We were the only two on the top level and like the other picture shows, the scenery was beautiful. The play, "45 Minutes From Broadway," was done really well. The University of Minnesota put it on. I enjoyed it the whole way through. Even the intermission was good. Jon and I went outside and stood and to the west was the sun setting in pink on the horizon with all the city buildings. Very romantic if I do say so myself. After the play was over him and i walked down the sidewalk along the river. It was so beautiful, and he was so handsome! I never wanted to let go of him, he means the world to me. We also walked along the docs, I can't express the emotion and thoughts that were going through my mind. Love in a way is unexplainable and can't be totally expressed through actions.

On the way back to the car these three guys were attempting to go out on the docs and fish. Well, they didnt get far, the security (which was high becuase they were setting up for the 4th of July fair thing there on Harriet Island) didn't let them get by. The men were making a big fuss and the security said they were going to call the cops. It was crazy, Jon and I laughed a bit as we were walking past.

As Jon and I were heading back to his home we drove through St. Paul and it was beautiful. There is something inside of me that loves the cities through and through and then there is a part that hates the cities with all my might. But back to the evening, I coundn't have asked for a better night, it was gorgeous out, Jon looked great and was great. Everything went perfect. I will never forget the evening.

left in the lime light

i am so worn out. with the two jobs i prety much work every day of the week. the only day off in the last long time was last thursday when i had my MRI and then my doctors appointment with Dr. McCue. so that wasnt really a day off. on a happy note, my MRI looked good. the doc said that i probably can stop going back in after 2008 so 6 years after my surgery instead of 10. that will be really nice. its not that i dont like the docs or anything, but going in just isnt that fun. it is very wearing on me.

today is just my grouchy day. i woke up at 7:27am when my alarm went off and then went with dad on a motercycle thing for church. it started to rain right after the pastor got there so they put there cycles under the overhang. dad and rick put theres in the church. it was crazy to see them in the church, haha. after that was over dad and i rode over to stillwater, it was so beautiful. then we got back home, i took a nap and then woke up to my alarm and headed off for another day of work. one of the guys i was serving made my day just by making me laugh. i think i havent been laughing as much as when i was at school. i feel like everything is so serious and is all business that i feel like i have forgotten what real laughter is. i miss sitting around with jenny, shelli, or shana and just laughing it out. last year laughter filled the air all the time. how wonderful is the sound, how joyful the tummy jiggling. when i am home i get so uptight. i hate it!!!

also, i decided that i need some time alone. i am so excited to get my own appartment. have my own place to run. its like all the small things this summer at home are driving me bizurk which isnt good. like for example, erin never changes the tp roll, the house is always messy, i feel like if i set anything down anywhere besides my room its going to dissapear and never be found, its like nothing is dependable, nothing is ever the same. i need something to stay the same, everything else is changing so fast. i am in control of nothing...

oooh girl.... you're crazy

so i went to work today, prety much always the same. skip hit on me, mary was watching the men so that she got her food before them, hazel was saying that her and the rest of her table would leave if they dont get there food soon, and then there is berny... what a nice man. my coworkers are crazy, haha, no they arent. they are funny, i like them.

anyways, these pics are some that i have taken within the last month. there is mya at the beach and her trying to ride a pony with my aunt colleen at my cousins grad party. also there is the pic of her watching a butterfly on a plant out front. i should get another subject to take pics of.

without understanding

i'm worn out. but life is good...

today i worked from 10-3 which is now my norm. I am liking the job, at times there is way to much to sift through though. my mind is ganna go bizurk. its good that i am working at all though. the money will be really really nice. so speaking about money, jon and i were talking yestdayday and i had been looking up information about insurance and so on. we decided that because of the FAFSA it might be better if we get married over christmas break this year. then we could put that we are not under our parents on it which would be nice being that we would then recieve more grants and loans. but on the other hand it would be nice to have next summer to get ready for the wedding. that would mean that we would not get as many loans for the fall '07 and spring '08. so the options are open.

last night we were hanging out at segue. we didnt really hang out inside of segue that much. we left and drove around for a bit, stopped at a sport shop and then went back to the area by segue and just hung out outside becuase it was so nice out. it was fun and we actually left at a normal time so that we got to bed at a good time. jon said it would be nice if we could just go to the same place, like when we are married just lye in bed in the peacefulness. it will be nice when we can just be together. :)

alright, dinner and then church time. i told randy and tami that i was going to be there tonight so i need to keep my word. ooohh... i'm excited to fall asleep tonight. rest, thats ganna feel good tonight!

i love him!

rodeo clowns

fun in the rain is always great! jon and i went to the rodeo in buffalo on friday. while leaving his house we checked the forcast and rain was expected. so we grabbed the EPB and my umbrella and headed out. once we were parked on the grounds we picked our spot on the bleachers and as everything was about to begin a man came over the speakers and said we were to all head into the community center, which is an old hockey rink. jon and i walked through the crowd and rain (him wearing his farmers hat). we sat down on the team bench and waited till the 60mph winds and thunderstorm passed. after we were back on our bleachers we wrapped up in his blanket with the umbrella over us. at one point the umbrella (i dont know what its called when this happens) made a bowl shape instead of protecting us. that was funny. we both grabbed a side and pulled it back into its original shape. the rodeo was good, but the clown wast that funny. all in all it was great. there is a first time for everthing. after the rodeo we headed back to his house and hung out in his room. dad messaged me and said the power was out. i guess it was out for a couple hours. then i headed home and hit the sack.

on saturday i worked from 11-2 and then i headed over to jon's. his family was having a family dinner night. jake cooked his special and then we hung out in the living room. jake fell asleep in the chair (that was funny) while jon and his dad were fooling around trying to get pics on his computer. after jake left jon and i talked to his parents about what they think about us getting married. i was so nervous. they brought back the memory of us going downstairs while they were watching tv and telling them we were dating. that was so funny. they both said they supported us getting married and to have me in the family. they said that we should think about when we get married though because they said if they could to one thing over they would have had Faith finish college first. I dont feel like I'm not going to finish college though, for me it doesnt even seem like an option. I think the only thing that would hold us back from getting married next summer would be money. for me money is a huge thing, it is one think i think about too much. i wish that werent true. i hope to never have to worry about being not financially stable.

sleepover anyone

last night was so cute. when i was upstairs with my and a few other people from my family i told mya that we should have a sleepover sometime. so of course that meant that i would have to do it then. the night was getting late but mom said that she wouldnt last too long. so i took her, her china pink, and murphy down to my room and we layed down on my bed. we attempted a sleepover. she was so cute, i told her not to talk and then she started whispering to murphy and talking about her pink. she kept wiggling, but our "sleepover" did last about 15 minute. i guess it will have to happen another time.

other than that, i went to church with my dad last night. tami had me do the songs which i havent done for a really long time. it is a lot easier to put the words up now than when i had to do it back in the day on the overhead. the whole thing brought back a few memories of when i used to do it all the time.

not much in life besides the little things. i am enjoying working at Lake Country Homes. the more i do there the better. once i get used to things and tami doesnt have to explain everything to me it should get even better. i feel kinda weird to officially be working for randy, yeah i have worked off and on for him like cleaning the mobes when i was younger to last christmas doing some filing for him. but now it is different, i am actually on the pay role. i love the man, but its weird seeing him in that role instead of joking around with him back in youth group.

jon asked me to dinner with his parents on saturday. i guess his mom wanted to have a family dinner and invited me. so we are going to do that instead of going to dena's. im ok with that. i am a little frightened though because jon and i are going to talk to his parents about us getting married next summer. i am ganna talk about it with my parents too. i am very frightened but extrememly excited too. for some reason i feel like i dont know how i should act about the whole thing. it makes me very happy to know that i will be with my best friend and love for the rest of my life though. :) my heart smiles.

considering smaller things

i started working for lake country homes today. i am going to work abour 4 hours 4 or 5 days a week. the money should be nice. i have decided that all that money has to go into my savings account. i really need to start saving for college. i only have like 15 dollars in the account now which is horrible considering what i had saved up for last school year.

this summer is going well. im enjoying it a lot. its great to be hanging out with jon and my family a lot. it means a lot to me to be hanging out with mya and erin (even though she seems not to care really what i think or approve of my uncoolness) and also my parents, i know that within the next few years i'm not going to be able to hang out with them as much and it will be hard. i do hope that after i get married and move onto the next step of life that i can still stay just as close with my family and friends, maybe even closer. that would mean the world to me. lately i have been thinking about BH and how i do miss being there. i miss the life that came with it and mostly the few friends that God totally blessed me with. i think about them, text them, talk to them, wish i could see their faces, and smile with every memory. life is intersting and with every step through it is added another moment that could justify the wonderful happiness that God has handed to me. even though i feel like i am missing a part of me by changing from the life that i thought was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me, i know that God is opening a door that is, yes, scary to walk through but going to bring me to the place he has strategically planned for me to go. i want to cry... to just let it out would feel so good, i'm not hurt, i'm just sad and extremely happy about life but i dont know how to illustrate it.

vulnerable

so kinda crazy of me to be writing this, but i decided that i wanted to remember it for a time later on in life when i am reading this.

this has happened a few times. for example a few weeks ago when i was in the walmart parking lot driving out to the exit there were some guys going the out to the stop light. they guy in the pasanger seat stared at me, for what seemed like way too long, then the driver stopped the jeep and stared at me also. the only thing i could do was pretend like i hadnt seen them staring at me. there were a few other times where this happened. to be honest i felt quite vulnerable and especially violated. in a way, yes it is nice to know that some guys may think i am good looking but honestly the only guy that i want to look at me that way would be jon. but i dont even want jon to lust after me... that just isnt right.

so i just wanted to write that down, dont really know why, but i feel like i needed to get it out of my mind and writing it down would help with that. but now i am just waiting till 3:30 so i can leave for work and then after work i am heading over to jon's. we are going to head over to his uncles because his grandparents are there and then we are going to watch the fireworks at buffalo days. i wish the sun would come out, it is only like 65 degrees here. cold!, for june weather.

ive been thinking

so ive been thinking a lot, maybe too much. sometimes thinking does me no good. . . like lately when i have been trying to fall asleep but i cant stop thinking long enough to conch out. so many things have been racing through my mind. none of it is anything that i can do anything about right now either, so it is pointless. like for instance the classes i have to take and how that is going to work, my dorm life next year, how i really need money (which i had the second interview at walmart yesterday, i think it went well. also tami called me today and said i could work at lake country homes this summer as a receptionist if i didnt get the job at walmart!) the money that is going to pay for my college tuition next year, thinking about jon and i's relationship, and so many more things. its all tumbling around in my brain and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that i can do about it. i have also decided that next summer i dont want to live back at home. i dont think i could do this whole thing any longer. i mean i love it here and everything, i am just ready to be on my own and doing it my way, which sounds really selfish but i'm growing up and i need my space and so on. also if there is another little girl here (lily) i wouldnt be able to handle it. i can help out, but i want to help out from afar.

one thing that i have been thinking about, as i wrote earlier was jon and i's relationship. i'm so glad to be home and have him near, it means the world to me but lately the relationship has gotten harder and more serious. every time I see him I dont want to have to say goodbye, I dont want to have to leave at night to our own seperate places. i'm ready to spend the rest of my life with him. i think that once we get married our relationship, yes, will be totally different but in a way be easier emotionally and physically, yeah i know there will be strains in other areas but it will be worth it. he is the love of my life. i dont want anyone else, i want him. Jon and I have been talking seriously about the whole marriage ordeal and we have come to the decision on some things. a lot of it is still up in the air but we have decided that we are probably not going to wait till the summer after my junior year but do it sooner. that excites me so much, i cant even explain to you how awesome that is. its so cool and crazy to know that he wants to spend the rest of my life with me, its me... wow, he will put aside everything else to marry me. yet i feel just the same for him.

another thing is... I miss jenny, shelli, and shana so much. i am finally crying about it which is good because i need to get it out. i have now decided that i should keep in good contact with them, meaning we call eachother every so often and also that we should get together at least once a year of every other year. I know for sure that i want to head out there to visit them before i get married and i really want them at my wedding or in my wedding, either way is good. i want them to stay a part of my life for the rest of my life.

ok i have a lot more running through my mind but i have written enough, so maybe i will write more later. i'm ganna go back to reading or maybe go on a bike ride or something.

jenny!

im talking to jenny!!!! it makes me so happy. i love her. it made my day to talk to her. she told me about her job at the local smoothie shop in sheridan. she also put me up to date on her movies and family and so on. mya came in my room as i was talking to her and she said hi denny... jenny loved it.

now im ganna finish organizing some of my stuff in my room and then head off to bed. i have to wake up early tomorrow for my second interview at walmart. i hope i get the job! money is good... i spent a little of my remaining tonight when erin and i went with beccah and katie to go shopping. night-time has come, the frogs are croaking and crickets chirping. the sun is sliding down the horizon and the trees are now just sillouhettes. the day is at end, goodnight.

job interview

early i awoke to the sound of mya upstairs having fun in her fort. ok, i actually woke up to my alarm clock because i had to be to an interview at 10. i know, i dont really want to work at walmart but money is money, and i need it badly for my college payment next year. I got through the first interview, and I think that I did well. They called me a few hours ago and I am going back in on wednesday for the second interview, which I am excited for.

Jon messaged me from work today and asked me if I wanted to go on a picnic with him today. I met him at work and we went to a park and ate lunch. It was kinda hot and windy out. But all around it was good. I enjoyed it.

So I decided that during the spring season I take a break from blogging. I was looking at last year and it was around this time that I didnt write that much. In a way I wish that I would write more but sometimes I just dont feel like doing it even though I have a lot to talk about. :)

Right now I am just watching tv waiting till mya wakes up or 2:30 comes around and I have to wake her up and get Erin from school. I kinda want a nap. That sounds appetizing to me.

back home again

so sorry i havent writen for a while. i feel prety stressed out being back home. kinda hard to get used to everything and all the crazyness that happens here at home. i dont know if i am really that excited to be here. i mean its cool and all to see my family but i kinda just want my own place. in the mornings i wake up to mya yelling and being really loud, i roll over and attemp to at least sleep in until 8. i have been able to keep rolling over and eventually sleep in until around 10. then i get up and something is always crazy. i think having my own place would be great! silence... i like it. oh well, i guess that isnt for this summer.

besides being home i started up working at farmstead again. i like it and all but it just isnt the same as when i began. first of all cheryl drives me crazy, i really want to put in a complaint about her. Nice lady, bad manager. also its a lot harder now that the people i looked forward to seeing are either passed away or went to a different home. to be honest i am really glad that i have changed my major. being a nurse would just not have suited me well. i love the people i work for and serve, but i would rather serve them in a diff way than food. like i really enjoyed volunteering. maybe, if i ever have kids (which seems like a small chance since mya, i love the girl, but she is driving me crazy when she is in a bad mood) i will take them and play games at an assisted living place or nursing home. i think that would be a good thing to do.

now i am looking for another job to add to my list. i need to get making money here. farmstead pays well but only working 3 hours at a time and only 5 days per pay period, it just doesnt work for a college student. so here i go looking....

oh the other day jon and i headed up to superior to visit the college one last time before the fall. we were both going to get an appointment with our advisors but mine wasnt around. he had one with his though. she was cool. she had those brain teaser things on her desk (like rubixcube) and i got one all the way done. i was so proud of myself. jon and i didnt do much else up there because it started to rain. on the way back home we had a marker war, probably not the best since he was driving and all. i feel like every time we get together i just feel worn out or really loopy, which isnt cool. sometimes i wonder why he puts up with me.

so life is good but i dont like being back in the summer routine. kinda miss college dorm life. ok so really i just miss hangin out with the friends and not having all this hussle bussle around me have me in it too. at least at the dorm i could ignore it cause it had nothing to do with me.

hiking with a camera

these are some pics that i took in the last month or so. some from montana, south dakota, the wyoming ones i get to pick up tomorrow!