left in the lime light

i am so worn out. with the two jobs i prety much work every day of the week. the only day off in the last long time was last thursday when i had my MRI and then my doctors appointment with Dr. McCue. so that wasnt really a day off. on a happy note, my MRI looked good. the doc said that i probably can stop going back in after 2008 so 6 years after my surgery instead of 10. that will be really nice. its not that i dont like the docs or anything, but going in just isnt that fun. it is very wearing on me.

today is just my grouchy day. i woke up at 7:27am when my alarm went off and then went with dad on a motercycle thing for church. it started to rain right after the pastor got there so they put there cycles under the overhang. dad and rick put theres in the church. it was crazy to see them in the church, haha. after that was over dad and i rode over to stillwater, it was so beautiful. then we got back home, i took a nap and then woke up to my alarm and headed off for another day of work. one of the guys i was serving made my day just by making me laugh. i think i havent been laughing as much as when i was at school. i feel like everything is so serious and is all business that i feel like i have forgotten what real laughter is. i miss sitting around with jenny, shelli, or shana and just laughing it out. last year laughter filled the air all the time. how wonderful is the sound, how joyful the tummy jiggling. when i am home i get so uptight. i hate it!!!

also, i decided that i need some time alone. i am so excited to get my own appartment. have my own place to run. its like all the small things this summer at home are driving me bizurk which isnt good. like for example, erin never changes the tp roll, the house is always messy, i feel like if i set anything down anywhere besides my room its going to dissapear and never be found, its like nothing is dependable, nothing is ever the same. i need something to stay the same, everything else is changing so fast. i am in control of nothing...