Jon and I went to a play in a showboat off of Harriet Island in St. Paul. The picture of Jon is from the grill that we went to on a boat. I really enjoyed it. We were the only two on the top level and like the other picture shows, the scenery was beautiful. The play, "45 Minutes From Broadway," was done really well. The University of Minnesota put it on. I enjoyed it the whole way through. Even the intermission was good. Jon and I went outside and stood and to the west was the sun setting in pink on the horizon with all the city buildings. Very romantic if I do say so myself. After the play was over him and i walked down the sidewalk along the river. It was so beautiful, and he was so handsome! I never wanted to let go of him, he means the world to me. We also walked along the docs, I can't express the emotion and thoughts that were going 
through my mind. Love in a way is unexplainable and can't be totally expressed through actions.
On the way back to the car these three guys were attempting to go out on the docs and fish. Well, they didnt get far, the security (which was high becuase they were setting up for the 4th of July fair thing there on Harriet Island) didn't let them get by. The men were making a big fuss and the security said they were going to call the cops. It was crazy, Jon and I laughed a bit as we were walking past.
As Jon and I were heading back to his home we drove through St. Paul and it was beautiful. There is something inside of me that loves the cities through and through and then there is a part that hates the cities with all my might. But back to the evening, I coundn't have asked for a better night, it was gorgeous out, Jon looked great and was great. Everything went perfect. I will never forget the evening.
i am so worn out. with the two jobs i prety much work every day of the week. the only day off in the last long time was last thursday when i had my MRI and then my doctors appointment with Dr. McCue. so that wasnt really a day off. on a happy note, my MRI looked good. the doc said that i probably can stop going back in after 2008 so 6 years after my surgery instead of 10. that will be really nice. its not that i dont like the docs or anything, but going in just isnt that fun. it is very wearing on me. today is just my grouchy day. i woke up at 7:27am when my alarm went off and then went with dad on a motercycle thing for church. it started to rain right after the pastor got there so they put there cycles under the overhang. dad and rick put theres in the church. it was crazy to see them in the church, haha. after that was over dad and i rode over to stillwater, it was so beautiful. then we got back home, i took a nap and then woke up to my alarm and headed off for another day of work. one of the guys i was serving made my day just by making me laugh. i think i havent been laughing as much as when i was at school. i feel like everything is so serious and is all business that i feel like i have forgotten what real laughter is. i miss sitting around with jenny, shelli, or shana and just laughing it out. last year laughter filled the air all the time. how wonderful is the sound, how joyful the tummy jiggling. when i am home i get so uptight. i hate it!!! also, i decided that i need some time alone. i am so excited to get my own appartment. have my own place to run. its like all the small things this summer at home are driving me bizurk which isnt good. like for example, erin never changes the tp roll, the house is always messy, i feel like if i set anything down anywhere besides my room its going to dissapear and never be found, its like nothing is dependable, nothing is ever the same. i need something to stay the same, everything else is changing so fast. i am in control of nothing...
i'm worn out. but life is good... today i worked from 10-3 which is now my norm. I am liking the job, at times there is way to much to sift through though. my mind is ganna go bizurk. its good that i am working at all though. the money will be really really nice. so speaking about money, jon and i were talking yestdayday and i had been looking up information about insurance and so on. we decided that because of the FAFSA it might be better if we get married over christmas break this year. then we could put that we are not under our parents on it which would be nice being that we would then recieve more grants and loans. but on the other hand it would be nice to have next summer to get ready for the wedding. that would mean that we would not get as many loans for the fall '07 and spring '08. so the options are open. last night we were hanging out at segue. we didnt really hang out inside of segue that much. we left and drove around for a bit, stopped at a sport shop and then went back to the area by segue and just hung out outside becuase it was so nice out. it was fun and we actually left at a normal time so that we got to bed at a good time. jon said it would be nice if we could just go to the same place, like when we are married just lye in bed in the peacefulness. it will be nice when we can just be together. :) alright, dinner and then church time. i told randy and tami that i was going to be there tonight so i need to keep my word. ooohh... i'm excited to fall asleep tonight. rest, thats ganna feel good tonight!
fun in the rain is always great! jon and i went to the rodeo in buffalo on friday. while leaving his house we checked the forcast and rain was expected. so we grabbed the EPB and my umbrella and headed out. once we were parked on the grounds we picked our spot on the bleachers and as everything was about to begin a man came over the speakers and said we were to all head into the community center, which is an old hockey rink. jon and i walked through the crowd and rain (him wearing his farmers hat). we sat down on the team bench and waited till the 60mph winds and thunderstorm passed. after we were back on our bleachers we wrapped up in his blanket with the umbrella over us. at one point the umbrella (i dont know what its called when this happens) made a bowl shape instead of protecting us. that was funny. we both grabbed a side and pulled it back into its original shape. the rodeo was good, but the clown wast that funny. all in all it was great. there is a first time for everthing. after the rodeo we headed back to his house and hung out in his room. dad messaged me and said the power was out. i guess it was out for a couple hours. then i headed home and hit the sack. on saturday i worked from 11-2 and then i headed over to jon's. his family was having a family dinner night. jake cooked his special and then we hung out in the living room. jake fell asleep in the chair (that was funny) while jon and his dad were fooling around trying to get pics on his computer. after jake left jon and i talked to his parents about what they think about us getting married. i was so nervous. they brought back the memory of us going downstairs while they were watching tv and telling them we were dating. that was so funny. they both said they supported us getting married and to have me in the family. they said that we should think about when we get married though because they said if they could to one thing over they would have had Faith finish college first. I dont feel like I'm not going to finish college though, for me it doesnt even seem like an option. I think the only thing that would hold us back from getting married next summer would be money. for me money is a huge thing, it is one think i think about too much. i wish that werent true. i hope to never have to worry about being not financially stable.
last night was so cute. when i was upstairs with my and a few other people from my family i told mya that we should have a sleepover sometime. so of course that meant that i would have to do it then. the night was getting late but mom said that she wouldnt last too long. so i took her, her china pink, and murphy down to my room and we layed down on my bed. we attempted a sleepover. she was so cute, i told her not to talk and then she started whispering to murphy and talking about her pink. she kept wiggling, but our "sleepover" did last about 15 minute. i guess it will have to happen another time. other than that, i went to church with my dad last night. tami had me do the songs which i havent done for a really long time. it is a lot easier to put the words up now than when i had to do it back in the day on the overhead. the whole thing brought back a few memories of when i used to do it all the time. not much in life besides the little things. i am enjoying working at Lake Country Homes. the more i do there the better. once i get used to things and tami doesnt have to explain everything to me it should get even better. i feel kinda weird to officially be working for randy, yeah i have worked off and on for him like cleaning the mobes when i was younger to last christmas doing some filing for him. but now it is different, i am actually on the pay role. i love the man, but its weird seeing him in that role instead of joking around with him back in youth group. jon asked me to dinner with his parents on saturday. i guess his mom wanted to have a family dinner and invited me. so we are going to do that instead of going to dena's. im ok with that. i am a little frightened though because jon and i are going to talk to his parents about us getting married next summer. i am ganna talk about it with my parents too. i am very frightened but extrememly excited too. for some reason i feel like i dont know how i should act about the whole thing. it makes me very happy to know that i will be with my best friend and love for the rest of my life though. :) my heart smiles.
i started working for lake country homes today. i am going to work abour 4 hours 4 or 5 days a week. the money should be nice. i have decided that all that money has to go into my savings account. i really need to start saving for college. i only have like 15 dollars in the account now which is horrible considering what i had saved up for last school year. this summer is going well. im enjoying it a lot. its great to be hanging out with jon and my family a lot. it means a lot to me to be hanging out with mya and erin (even though she seems not to care really what i think or approve of my uncoolness) and also my parents, i know that within the next few years i'm not going to be able to hang out with them as much and it will be hard. i do hope that after i get married and move onto the next step of life that i can still stay just as close with my family and friends, maybe even closer. that would mean the world to me. lately i have been thinking about BH and how i do miss being there. i miss the life that came with it and mostly the few friends that God totally blessed me with. i think about them, text them, talk to them, wish i could see their faces, and smile with every memory. life is intersting and with every step through it is added another moment that could justify the wonderful happiness that God has handed to me. even though i feel like i am missing a part of me by changing from the life that i thought was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me, i know that God is opening a door that is, yes, scary to walk through but going to bring me to the place he has strategically planned for me to go. i want to cry... to just let it out would feel so good, i'm not hurt, i'm just sad and extremely happy about life but i dont know how to illustrate it.
so kinda crazy of me to be writing this, but i decided that i wanted to remember it for a time later on in life when i am reading this. this has happened a few times. for example a few weeks ago when i was in the walmart parking lot driving out to the exit there were some guys going the out to the stop light. they guy in the pasanger seat stared at me, for what seemed like way too long, then the driver stopped the jeep and stared at me also. the only thing i could do was pretend like i hadnt seen them staring at me. there were a few other times where this happened. to be honest i felt quite vulnerable and especially violated. in a way, yes it is nice to know that some guys may think i am good looking but honestly the only guy that i want to look at me that way would be jon. but i dont even want jon to lust after me... that just isnt right. so i just wanted to write that down, dont really know why, but i feel like i needed to get it out of my mind and writing it down would help with that. but now i am just waiting till 3:30 so i can leave for work and then after work i am heading over to jon's. we are going to head over to his uncles because his grandparents are there and then we are going to watch the fireworks at buffalo days. i wish the sun would come out, it is only like 65 degrees here. cold!, for june weather.
so ive been thinking a lot, maybe too much. sometimes thinking does me no good. . . like lately when i have been trying to fall asleep but i cant stop thinking long enough to conch out. so many things have been racing through my mind. none of it is anything that i can do anything about right now either, so it is pointless. like for instance the classes i have to take and how that is going to work, my dorm life next year, how i really need money (which i had the second interview at walmart yesterday, i think it went well. also tami called me today and said i could work at lake country homes this summer as a receptionist if i didnt get the job at walmart!) the money that is going to pay for my college tuition next year, thinking about jon and i's relationship, and so many more things. its all tumbling around in my brain and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that i can do about it. i have also decided that next summer i dont want to live back at home. i dont think i could do this whole thing any longer. i mean i love it here and everything, i am just ready to be on my own and doing it my way, which sounds really selfish but i'm growing up and i need my space and so on. also if there is another little girl here (lily) i wouldnt be able to handle it. i can help out, but i want to help out from afar.
one thing that i have been thinking about, as i wrote earlier was jon and i's relationship. i'm so glad to be home and have him near, it means the world to me but lately the relationship has gotten harder and more serious. every time I see him I dont want to have to say goodbye, I dont want to have to leave at night to our own seperate places. i'm ready to spend the rest of my life with him. i think that once we get married our relationship, yes, will be totally different but in a way be easier emotionally and physically, yeah i know there will be strains in other areas but it will be worth it. he is the love of my life. i dont want anyone else, i want him. Jon and I have been talking seriously about the whole marriage ordeal and we have come to the decision on some things. a lot of it is still up in the air but we have decided that we are probably not going to wait till the summer after my junior year but do it sooner. that excites me so much, i cant even explain to you how awesome that is. its so cool and crazy to know that he wants to spend the rest of my life with me, its me... wow, he will put aside everything else to marry me. yet i feel just the same for him.
another thing is... I miss jenny, shelli, and shana so much. i am finally crying about it which is good because i need to get it out. i have now decided that i should keep in good contact with them, meaning we call eachother every so often and also that we should get together at least once a year of every other year. I know for sure that i want to head out there to visit them before i get married and i really want them at my wedding or in my wedding, either way is good. i want them to stay a part of my life for the rest of my life. ok i have a lot more running through my mind but i have written enough, so maybe i will write more later. i'm ganna go back to reading or maybe go on a bike ride or something.
im talking to jenny!!!! it makes me so happy. i love her. it made my day to talk to her. she told me about her job at the local smoothie shop in sheridan. she also put me up to date on her movies and family and so on. mya came in my room as i was talking to her and she said hi denny... jenny loved it. now im ganna finish organizing some of my stuff in my room and then head off to bed. i have to wake up early tomorrow for my second interview at walmart. i hope i get the job! money is good... i spent a little of my remaining tonight when erin and i went with beccah and katie to go shopping. night-time has come, the frogs are croaking and crickets chirping. the sun is sliding down the horizon and the trees are now just sillouhettes. the day is at end, goodnight.
early i awoke to the sound of mya upstairs having fun in her fort. ok, i actually woke up to my alarm clock because i had to be to an interview at 10. i know, i dont really want to work at walmart but money is money, and i need it badly for my college payment next year. I got through the first interview, and I think that I did well. They called me a few hours ago and I am going back in on wednesday for the second interview, which I am excited for. Jon messaged me from work today and asked me if I wanted to go on a picnic with him today. I met him at work and we went to a park and ate lunch. It was kinda hot and windy out. But all around it was good. I enjoyed it.So I decided that during the spring season I take a break from blogging. I was looking at last year and it was around this time that I didnt write that much. In a way I wish that I would write more but sometimes I just dont feel like doing it even though I have a lot to talk about. :) Right now I am just watching tv waiting till mya wakes up or 2:30 comes around and I have to wake her up and get Erin from school. I kinda want a nap. That sounds appetizing to me.
Jon and I went to a play in a showboat off of Harriet Island in St. Paul. The picture of Jon is from the grill that we went to on a boat. I really enjoyed it. We were the only two on the top level and like the other picture shows, the scenery was beautiful. The play, "45 Minutes From Broadway," was done really well. The University of Minnesota put it on. I enjoyed it the whole way through. Even the intermission was good. Jon and I went outside and stood and to the west was the sun setting in pink on the horizon with all the city buildings. Very romantic if I do say so myself. After the play was over him and i walked down the sidewalk along the river. It was so beautiful, and he was so handsome! I never wanted to let go of him, he means the world to me. We also walked along the docs, I can't express the emotion and thoughts that were going 
through my mind. Love in a way is unexplainable and can't be totally expressed through actions.
