well now i am at 7:17 and am ending my second day at college. nothing really exciting happenend today. i got my homework done and am going to go to waffle wednesday with my hall at subway in about 15. that should be cool. oh i rode my bike around town today. i found a park. thats always cool. i really wish i had my cameras there are so many pictures i would be taking. i feel like part of me is kinda missing. well, maybe you dont understand that. oh i have met some rockin girls. one being adrian. she loves photography. that is so cool. there are a lot of other awesome pps.
hey i might get a job in the caffeteria here at school. that will be interesting. doesnt pay too well but it works around my schedule which is nice. anyways erin, my roomie is really cool. i am very glad she is my roomie. i still feel like im at camp or something. i dont think the whole away from home thing hit me yet.
i really like waking up in the morning and seeing the mountains. i kinda have to pinch myself to see if it is real. yesterday was kick ball but it was really windy so i didnt play. well...
tomarrow i have english (i have already writen a paper for), speech (i have to do my first speech already), and psyc (i have read a lot in the book, about 90 pages).
i am really missing jon. i am so excited to see him this weekend. i cant wait. he is such a babe! lol.
anyways im on my way out soon here for waffle cone wednesday. later
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
here i am
im here at college. the first day was cool. interesting getting into college now and getting to know everyone. the carnival was prety cool. max, a singer dude was weird but funny. we all got a hat miracca or lay. last night some girls were already going to a party. yeah. i stayed back with a few other girls and we played spoons. that was soooo much fun. we had a blast and got to know some people better. that was really nice. but now its morning and the second day of college is on its way. and there are things to do and people to see. later.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I'm tired
today i had to wake up too early. i went with my mom to the u of m campus to the hospital there where mya was sedated, if that is the right word, and brought to get a CT scan because she tested positive for teburculosis (TB). yeah that isnt good so she cried forever. she didnt want to get weighed or blood pressure taken. it wasnt good. but then they stuck a thing up her butt and thats how they got the meds in her to put her to sleep instead of an iv. after that was done we drove halfway to my grandparents house and met them at dairy queen to get my other sister back. yeah ok. i did miss her. i will admit it. hey cool there was my day so far. i dont know what im ganna do now. maybe pack a little more for college. i think i have most of it done except the big stuff and clothes. a few odds and ends are still needing to be packed too but this shall be good.yesterday i got up around 10. i have no idea why so early but it all worked out. i read the count of monte cristo for a long time i have read almost 200 pages in the last few days. the book is almost 600 pages. i want to get like half way done before i leave. anyways while i was reading i was getting all excited to go and visit with dena, dan, and dena's boyfriend joe. i was ready to get out of the house too. dan called me from dena's house at around 6 and i drove over there. we hung out until joe came then went out to eat. these kids are crazy. they are fun fun fun... lol. yeah we went to the macaroni grill. that was good. a lot of food but good. on the table there is paper that covers it and crayons so we had a riot drawing on that. dan and i drew a funny face oddly together somehow. he drew some pine trees and mountains. oh wow what an artist we all are. just kidding. we then went to dan and dena's parents home and hung out. chilled out in the back yard walked around. dan and i walked down the road. its good to talk to an old friend that you havent seen for a while. we also played ping-pong and air hokey in the basement. i sucked at both. i cant hit the ball in ping-pong and air hokey i played against dan and the puck kept flying up and hitting the wall behind him. one hit him too. oops! it was fun. dan had me listen to some of his music that he has made. he makes techno goodies. it was good. some repetitive but good. then the night had to end and joe drove me and dena back to her house and i left for home from there. how exciting!
Thursday, August 18, 2005
i'm good now
alright. im in a better mood now. sorry about all that stuff i said. it was good to get it out though. i'm really bad at keeping stuff in. i am getting a bit better though. well kinda. . .
i talked to jake. a friend of mines older brother. he goes to UMD and we were hanging out around the fire at janelles house so i talked to him. anyways i asked him if he had a car up there. he said no and told me how he wears goggles and face mask in the winter. he said it was fun going down the hills up there but not as cool going up them.
i suppose i can deal with it. i just am a bit emotional lately. there is so much going on that another thing adding to it is crazy. hey guess what? i think my cameras were stolen from my car the other day. how wonderful. you see that is not cool. i have been fretting about that forever now. i will wake up in the morning and start thinking about it and then i get all anxious and cant fall back asleep. you see when your minor has to do with something that was stolen from you that isnt good.
i am going to get some money and buy a new camera. really nice 35mm one. i feel horrid though because the one i was using was my dads that he had bought in college. so it meant a lot to him. it did to me too though. alright. i am ganna go think more and clean my room. the bonfire at janelles was prety cool though. i didnt know too many kids there. not many came from school that she invited. yeah well. what can i say?
i talked to jake. a friend of mines older brother. he goes to UMD and we were hanging out around the fire at janelles house so i talked to him. anyways i asked him if he had a car up there. he said no and told me how he wears goggles and face mask in the winter. he said it was fun going down the hills up there but not as cool going up them.
i suppose i can deal with it. i just am a bit emotional lately. there is so much going on that another thing adding to it is crazy. hey guess what? i think my cameras were stolen from my car the other day. how wonderful. you see that is not cool. i have been fretting about that forever now. i will wake up in the morning and start thinking about it and then i get all anxious and cant fall back asleep. you see when your minor has to do with something that was stolen from you that isnt good.
i am going to get some money and buy a new camera. really nice 35mm one. i feel horrid though because the one i was using was my dads that he had bought in college. so it meant a lot to him. it did to me too though. alright. i am ganna go think more and clean my room. the bonfire at janelles was prety cool though. i didnt know too many kids there. not many came from school that she invited. yeah well. what can i say?
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
why not you?
this sucks. i want everyone to understand how i feel. gosh why me? why did i have to have the tumor? why do i have to go through all this crap? i feel like no one understands.
i have my liceance taken away once becuase of my first sesure and that sucked and then i had the surgery. no it has been over three years and im ganna go off the sesure meds. that means i get my liceance taken away for six fricken months. and i might have six more weeks. dude im crying. that sucks. God. i know it all could have been worse yeah whatever. but whoever says that still hasnt had to go through and could never understand what i did. have someone take away your freedom! i feel like i am being tied down. as if im held back. like there is a glass window infront of me and i can see what is out there but there is no way that i can get through that glass. as if i have to be like a little kid looking out the window or a dog that can see an animal outside but has no one to let them out. oh God.
yeah ok whatever you say. "not a big deal." whatever. why not you?
i have my liceance taken away once becuase of my first sesure and that sucked and then i had the surgery. no it has been over three years and im ganna go off the sesure meds. that means i get my liceance taken away for six fricken months. and i might have six more weeks. dude im crying. that sucks. God. i know it all could have been worse yeah whatever. but whoever says that still hasnt had to go through and could never understand what i did. have someone take away your freedom! i feel like i am being tied down. as if im held back. like there is a glass window infront of me and i can see what is out there but there is no way that i can get through that glass. as if i have to be like a little kid looking out the window or a dog that can see an animal outside but has no one to let them out. oh God.
yeah ok whatever you say. "not a big deal." whatever. why not you?
the countdown begins
10 days until i leave for college. 9 if you dont count today!
i am here at the point where i just want to go. i am excited, nervous and just want to get out of here and get it going. i am a bit anxious. already homesick and missing jon and i havent even left yet. jon leaves tomarrow for college. thats really cool. he's very excited. i am excited for him. " i enjoyed it. we got lost on the way there. well it was my fault. the guthrie was right there infront of our eyes and we didnt see it. whatever. i suppose you could say we are back in the swing of things. when we used to go to concerts together we would get lost or not really lost cause we knew where we were just couldnt get to where we were going. but anyways. i had a great time with jon yesterday. he is a great man.
jon messaged me today and said his sister had her baby. they named it Elizibeth. that is awesome! i'm happy for them.
alright i am now attempting to clean my very messy room and get a little bit packed for college. i am also doing laundry. arent i awesome? haha. yeah ok whatever. phat herman was in here helping me out while i was reading but once i started the vacuum he ran right out on me. alright later. . .
i am here at the point where i just want to go. i am excited, nervous and just want to get out of here and get it going. i am a bit anxious. already homesick and missing jon and i havent even left yet. jon leaves tomarrow for college. thats really cool. he's very excited. i am excited for him. " i enjoyed it. we got lost on the way there. well it was my fault. the guthrie was right there infront of our eyes and we didnt see it. whatever. i suppose you could say we are back in the swing of things. when we used to go to concerts together we would get lost or not really lost cause we knew where we were just couldnt get to where we were going. but anyways. i had a great time with jon yesterday. he is a great man.
jon messaged me today and said his sister had her baby. they named it Elizibeth. that is awesome! i'm happy for them.
alright i am now attempting to clean my very messy room and get a little bit packed for college. i am also doing laundry. arent i awesome? haha. yeah ok whatever. phat herman was in here helping me out while i was reading but once i started the vacuum he ran right out on me. alright later. . .
Saturday, August 13, 2005
hello always ends with goodbye
what a boring day. . . ok i lied it wasnt that bad. i woke up around 10:30 though. that is crazy i never get up that early. especially in the summer. i stayed up until 3 in the morning last night. jon and i had gone to a concert at the quest accross for club 3 degrees on fifth ave. it was a good concert. it featured reel big fish as the main and catch 22 and few other bands. my favorite was catch 22. mmm good ol' ska. it brought me back to the day when jon and i were concert buddies. we used to go to so many concerts together and the new union. crazy. after the concert we walked around in a parking garage. it sounded as if there was music being played in it somewhere but we couldnt find it. that was sad. oh well.
after that we drove out of the way to get back to my home. yeah ok so i was the driver. thats ok. yeah i wasted expensive gas. oh hey that reminds me. i did my first overdraft on my checking account. you know in the cash machines they have arrows that point to the buttons and you cant really tell which one they are pointing to. well yeah i thought i had hit the right one going to my savings account. but no. i didnt so lets see how much my first overdraft cost is.
anyways we went back to my house and everyone was asleep so we chilled out in my room. that was cool. erin wasnt next door because it was her last night at camp. yeah its been kinda quiet around here. well not exactly that cause of mya but still a little more empty. yeah back to what i was saying. so jon and i just chilled in my room. honestly i dont know what we even did really besides sit there. i guess we just talked but about what i dont remember. im sure if he reminded me i would though. it was just a time to chill out together. i always like that. he didnt leave until around 1:30 or so. i didnt get to bed until 3 like i said before. i had a good/fun night hangin with jon. we should do it again sometime.
after that we drove out of the way to get back to my home. yeah ok so i was the driver. thats ok. yeah i wasted expensive gas. oh hey that reminds me. i did my first overdraft on my checking account. you know in the cash machines they have arrows that point to the buttons and you cant really tell which one they are pointing to. well yeah i thought i had hit the right one going to my savings account. but no. i didnt so lets see how much my first overdraft cost is.
anyways we went back to my house and everyone was asleep so we chilled out in my room. that was cool. erin wasnt next door because it was her last night at camp. yeah its been kinda quiet around here. well not exactly that cause of mya but still a little more empty. yeah back to what i was saying. so jon and i just chilled in my room. honestly i dont know what we even did really besides sit there. i guess we just talked but about what i dont remember. im sure if he reminded me i would though. it was just a time to chill out together. i always like that. he didnt leave until around 1:30 or so. i didnt get to bed until 3 like i said before. i had a good/fun night hangin with jon. we should do it again sometime.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Goodmorning starshine, the earth says hello
oh what a morning. dont you love waking up to someone calling you to come into work!! oh boy, i do for sure! it is like my favorite thing ever dude. whatever. anyways cheryl called me in to work today because the dish washers car had been towed so he wasnt able to make it in to work. so i got up aroun 8 and went to work. i then washed dishes for around six hours. i cant believe someone would keep a job like that. i suppose it pays well and its not too bad but still i dont like my hands being raisins for that long. no i get to go back to work in about 40 minutes. i was supposed to watch mya but i forgot until after cheryl had talked me into saying yes to working. so i do feel bad about that. dad had to watch her while he was working at home.
anyways off that subject.
i hung out with Jon last night. well, and the night before. we went and saw a movie on monday night after i got done with work. we met in elk river. the movie was ok. not exactly one i would want to see again though. he agreed. it didnt live up to its expectations.
last night i drove over to his house and he showed me the deck that he is building. its cool. then we left for plymouth. we then parked and walked around. i actually liked it. there was a milennium garden we walked through and saw some interesting things. then we drove back to his house, sat on the dock out back and his phone dropped into the water. he was so calm about it. i would not have been that calm. but i think the phone is dead it was doing loopy things after he got it out. then we hung out in his room. he looked at old stuff in bins. for example a post card i sent him a few years ago from south dakota with a buffalo on it and picture of him in baseball in 9th grade. you get the picture.
we also sat around and talked about college. looked at some maps. he gave me a map of montana. we talked about the road trip i want to take down the west coast. talked about books. i love listening to him talk. just listening to what he has to say about diff. things. I really am going to miss him once we leave for college. at least i can talk to him still and i we will see eachother on labor day weekend. i plan on driving out to his college to hang out with him and do whatever.
i have been talking to dan (dena's bro) lately. him and i message back and forth. its prety cool. i talked to him on the phone the other day and we talked about anime. interesting. he is going to be in town from the 20th-26th. i wish Jon would be around to meet him. dena and i are going to hang out and go mini-golfing with him or something while he is here. he also said he would show me some of his techno that he has made and would bring a few of the anime so i can steel them from him and watch them.
im tired. i only got 5 hours of sleep last night. well anyways. i am going to play a round of freecell and then will end up playing a few more but then, yes then, will have to leave to go back to work for another few hours. i then will leave work and go meet up with dad and mya at church, next come home, then hopefully sleep. later. . .
anyways off that subject.
i hung out with Jon last night. well, and the night before. we went and saw a movie on monday night after i got done with work. we met in elk river. the movie was ok. not exactly one i would want to see again though. he agreed. it didnt live up to its expectations.
last night i drove over to his house and he showed me the deck that he is building. its cool. then we left for plymouth. we then parked and walked around. i actually liked it. there was a milennium garden we walked through and saw some interesting things. then we drove back to his house, sat on the dock out back and his phone dropped into the water. he was so calm about it. i would not have been that calm. but i think the phone is dead it was doing loopy things after he got it out. then we hung out in his room. he looked at old stuff in bins. for example a post card i sent him a few years ago from south dakota with a buffalo on it and picture of him in baseball in 9th grade. you get the picture.
we also sat around and talked about college. looked at some maps. he gave me a map of montana. we talked about the road trip i want to take down the west coast. talked about books. i love listening to him talk. just listening to what he has to say about diff. things. I really am going to miss him once we leave for college. at least i can talk to him still and i we will see eachother on labor day weekend. i plan on driving out to his college to hang out with him and do whatever.
i have been talking to dan (dena's bro) lately. him and i message back and forth. its prety cool. i talked to him on the phone the other day and we talked about anime. interesting. he is going to be in town from the 20th-26th. i wish Jon would be around to meet him. dena and i are going to hang out and go mini-golfing with him or something while he is here. he also said he would show me some of his techno that he has made and would bring a few of the anime so i can steel them from him and watch them.
im tired. i only got 5 hours of sleep last night. well anyways. i am going to play a round of freecell and then will end up playing a few more but then, yes then, will have to leave to go back to work for another few hours. i then will leave work and go meet up with dad and mya at church, next come home, then hopefully sleep. later. . .
Sunday, August 07, 2005
creating new
today was just great. just great. i woke up and went to church. that was awesome. i am so glad that i was able to go. this is the third service in a row i have gone. wowzers. that is grand. then i got home and started painting the youth table and then went to work which went by really fast. a guy named skip at work i asked him if he would like dessert while he was getting up and he said to me quote, "isnt your smile a big enough dessert." i had to laugh. come on. you know you would have too. anyways i got my work done and went off back home.
i painted the youth table all cool and worked on that most of the night. it turned out prety rockin. bobby called me too. he came over for a few minutes. he gave me my early early birthday present. he said i wouldnt be around for my birthday so he would give it to me now. it is cool. its a poster with a fairy on it. after that him, kent and i talked for a little bit. they went off to the movie and i went back to painting. that is my day for ya. yeah, it was a good day!
i painted the youth table all cool and worked on that most of the night. it turned out prety rockin. bobby called me too. he came over for a few minutes. he gave me my early early birthday present. he said i wouldnt be around for my birthday so he would give it to me now. it is cool. its a poster with a fairy on it. after that him, kent and i talked for a little bit. they went off to the movie and i went back to painting. that is my day for ya. yeah, it was a good day!
Saturday, August 06, 2005
gone
In your arms
Surrounding me
Hugging me
Holding me
Never going to let go
Feeling secure
Don’t let go
Please don’t leave
Why did you have to leave?
I loved you
Didn’t you know?
You held my hand
Kept it warm
Called me beautiful
Took my heart
You left on a plane
I just smiled with pain
Surrounding me
Hugging me
Holding me
Never going to let go
Feeling secure
Don’t let go
Please don’t leave
Why did you have to leave?
I loved you
Didn’t you know?
You held my hand
Kept it warm
Called me beautiful
Took my heart
You left on a plane
I just smiled with pain
Friday, August 05, 2005
Nameless
Forever been around
Being neither here nor their
Without ever making a sound
Taking great care
Soft to touch
Swiftly moving astray
Never in my clutch
Always here to stay
Being neither here nor their
Without ever making a sound
Taking great care
Soft to touch
Swiftly moving astray
Never in my clutch
Always here to stay
Never Vanishing Emotion
It was here once before
As though I had found it
The figure swiftly disappeared
Disguising itself and fading
Leaving no shadow
Time gradually wilted away
The figure never returning
Exhausted by a longing
I lay there undisturbed
Aching for it to return
As though I had found it
The figure swiftly disappeared
Disguising itself and fading
Leaving no shadow
Time gradually wilted away
The figure never returning
Exhausted by a longing
I lay there undisturbed
Aching for it to return
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