one way or another

well waking up today meant that thanksgiving break was over. another day of school. it wasnt too bad. i volunteered during 5th hour and lunch again today. i ended up helping put some christmas decorations up. i put light on a tree for the first time ever. yeah, there is always a first time for everything. so there is my normal day. not too interesting, yet not a bad one.

saikano, great manga! 

yep, its me again

Some days start out abysmal and end up congenial. yeah, i worked last night, went home, stayed up late, hung out with Herman, and went to bed. I woke up at noon, looked out the window and wanted to fall back asleep again till spring came. Maybe I could go into hibernation or something. it snowed prety much all day.
i worked on a paper that is due tuesday which wasnt cool at all, interesting topic but not fun to try and put it all together. then tonight i was going to go to the Children 18:3 concert up in Duluth but ended up not going cause i couldnt find anyone to go with and then the snow and slippery roads and so on. i ended up chillin with Jeremy. he's a cool guy. i never know what to say. i know what i want to say but i can never put it into the right wording so i just keep my mouth closed. its probably better that way. he's fun to hang with. anyways, i think im ganna work some more on the revolting paper. rock on! have a good night.

To Show

Beneath the clouds so deep and murky
Lies a person so alone and deserted
The world around so bleak and gloomy

The heart became maroon and shattered

my life as you know it

"i dont know what to say except to ask the question of. . . why one minute is life so overflowingly good, then the next something rips it all that out of you? i hate depression. i hope that it goes away. i hate struggling with it. life is so up and down. nothing ever satisfies you. life has no real hapiness to it. i dont understand why God allows peaple to struggle. i guess we are human kind. but God havent i gone through enough in life already? does God have tears? does he ever cry?
could i say life hurts and i just want to leave home and never come back. start new.
why doesnt anything ever last?" -Carrie's thoughts for the night-
here is some more. . . . "why cant a person if they like another just straight out say it. it makes it so much nicer. i am such a hypocrite. i am horrible at saying what i am feeling. and why do i, as a girl, have to be so emotional?"

my first college acceptance letter

rockin! i got my first college acceptance letter today from Dordt College in Iowa. that was cool. encouraging to know there is at least one college out there that would accept me. yeah, i dont know if i want to go there but im ganna have to pray about it. anyways life is going well. a little fast but still good. we got this new kid at work. he seems like he's cool. maybe he will make working there more fun. i have a chemestry test tomarrow that i feel like not even studying for. i want to drop the class. i shouldnt though if i want to be a nurse. then again do i still want to be a nurse? i dont know. i think being a photographer and doing things like we are doing for yearbook like the layout and everything else totally grabs my attention. maybe i will think outside the box. i dont know we will see. whatever anyways. tata for now slice.

ACT score

i just got my ACT score finally. wow so i did a lot better than i thought i would first of all i wasnt even going to take it because i will probably go to a community college next fall and i didnt have to take it to get in but i did anyways. my goal was to get an 18, i dont feel that i am the smartest bulb in the bunch and i didnt study much because, i really dont know why. but anyways i got a 21. God has totally blessed me. ok so you may be thinking that that score isnt that good but to me, it is. im horrid at tests and i have gone through some hard things with my brain be cut out of. but like i said it is so encouraging to have God help me in every aspect of my life. im encouraged. God bless you on this rainy dreary day.

friday, the 1st dedline for yearbook = stress

ok. so here ya go, i just got home from school at 7:30 and im not in any sports. life is crazy. so i went to school, had an enjoyably boring time sitting in class. after school i worked on yearbook untill 3 then went to farmstead, volunteered for an hour and then went back to school and work on yearbook untill 7:30. crazy. ok so i made it sound worse than it is but still the deadline is tomarrow and we need to still get a bunch of things done. i actually am enjoying this class cause its making me get to know the kids i go to school with. alright well im tired and my brain has no more function left so sleep tight and enjoy the night.

fog

today has been foggy. since i woke to now when i am about to lay my head down on my soft pillow. to see the sun is only a small memory. how depressing it is not to get the vitamin D deserved for the day.
Im getting there with nights school. i have probably like 10-15 hours left to serve before i get that done with. oh and the yearbooks first deadline is this friday. way too soon after the computer crashed and what not. im a bit stressed. my mind cant keep on one topic. sometimes i wish life would slow down so i could enjoy it and maybe have some time to make real friends, not just the ones you say hi to at school, but the ones you know inside and out.
im in the mood to listen to Brave St. Saturn or Lifehouse. some slower stuff to to along with the down mood of the day. in fact im ganna go listen to that right now. peace out dude!

here you go then. one of my drawings. yeah, sorry i cant draw faces. i decided that no face is now my signature.
 

Mystifying day

today was all fine and dandy. nothing really good, nothing really bad happened. it is all misty out. so i decided it was quite the mystifying day. the only thing interesting that happened today was that one of the art teacher at school saw my sketch book when i brought it in to show one of my sisters friends cause she wanted to see it. the teacher said if i keep working at it i could get better and thanked me for allowing her to see. of coarse my face turned all red and i got all embarraced cause i dont think any of my drawings are that good. maybe i will put one on my blog later today.
ok and now i have decided that never am i going to get a boyfriend cause thats not cool and i would be horrible in a relationship. friendships are great but not when i have a crush on the kid, i always mess something up.

to feel alone, lain 

cool pic 

oh the joy of learning

yeah today at school. always interesting when you go to a small private school with crazy teachers and even more crazy students. today for the sophmores was the "battle". last year was the first year. they make their own armor out of cardboard and alluminum foil. then during eigth hour, the last hour of our school day, they battle. the battle it to "learn" how it was for the Pursian and Asine warriors (dont know how to spell that sorry) so the fight begins out front by the pond where everyone driving past on Bunker lake Blvd. can see how crazy the school i go to is. they then run toward eachother with swords and all until either the hour ends or one "wins" by "killing" one another. i guess the rule is once you fall you are then called dead. what an odd learning style.
to add to the fun my chemestry class was allowed to go and sit outside and watch them for a while. a kid named aaron in my grade and a few other kids from my senior class brought out a large sign saying "stop the bombing". not just that but aaron had his guitar with him.
oh something good though is i got to check out my quarter grade in chemestry and im getting a c. that isnt too bad seeing as how horrid i have done on the tests. be proud, its an honors class.
oh man, im in the mood for bob marley music. sounds quite appealing at the moment.

why always good news first

alrighty, good news folks. the year book computer crashed but mr. ferret saved the files on a disk. now the computer has been attempted to fix and the programs reprogramed onto there. we are now hopefuly up and running for business and can get our pages in hopefuly near the first deadline. God is so awesome and keeps us on the edge of our seats sometimes.

new vacuum

ok. my family got a new vacuum today. now my mother, since we got home at least two hours ago, has been vacuuming. yeah thats insain. then she shows us, meaning my sister and me, all the junk that it has picked up. another stupid thing is my sister vacuumed this morning with the old one. alright, there is now proof that my family is insain.

something interesting

alrighty well today i didnt have school because of the end of the quarter. i went into school anyways because of the yearbook problem. still not working. that isnt cool at all. after we figured out there is nothing we could do until monday for the computer problem i went off to the bank at put my checks into my account. while driving home i called my bro and he wasnt home, added more minutes to my cell phone, and then half way ballanced my check book while still driving. yeah wow, arent i cool. j/k. anyways so then when i got home i hung out with my oh so cool sister and began to clean the computer room, waited around, cut her hair. then at about 3 i called my awesome friend mike to see if he wanted to hang out. he was sick and had to work tonight so that was off my checklist of things i might do. then i remembered while i was downloading a cd onto my computer that i needed to call nathaniel to see if he wanted to come with me next weekend to "that 70s variety show" that my schools drama team is putting on. no, sorry im not in drama this year, i stink. so anyways he might go with me. that was cool to hear. we ended up talking for about a half and hour to an hour which is really cool. i dont see hime too much besides when he picks up his brother from school. (he used to go to meadow creek and then went to st. francis where i was and we became cool friends then after my freshman year i changed to meadow creek and he still goes to st. franny. his little brother goes to mc, him and i have a class together) anyways it was just cool that we could talk that long. we dont talk to often. i like that we can go back as if we were never apart. it is also so awesome that we always end up on the topic of God and how he is working in our lifes. alrighty well, my sister and i are going to now go rent a movie and become bums for the night.

the memory

to have a memory of a place

not dressed in satin or in lace

can be the most precious of them all

and still be quite small

silence in her heart

Upon the soft earth

Unspoken she sat

Tears softly streamed

Under the shaddow of her cream hat

People walked calously around

As if she didn't exist

Having once loved

Her heart could no longer resist

sometimes i forget

you ever have a friend that you think oh so highly of. i do. i think i love this person so much and that life would be so weird without them but when it all comes down to it. is the friendship that important. what is agape love? through the last few years i have grown apart from a lot of diff.friends because of the whole switching schools thing and stuff. did that actually hurt or is my mind just making it up. do these friends even care if they "lost" me and werent able to be with me anymore. could one day of not talking to them add up to a lifetime of seperation? the memories of our friendship tug on my heart and are breaking it in half. do i really matter to anyone. why cant friends tell eachother they love them without being sarcastic. why cant my best friend share more emotion and deeper detail about life. why do i feel like i have to carry the friendships that no one cares enough to attempt to keep them together. how come i am so afraid to make a friendship? i have lost all them or we have grown apart. is that why im afraid to have a boyfriend? am i too afraid to lose him too? even one of my best friends who said we would never grow apart even in times like this, has now gone down her own way leaving me in the dust. did i ever actually truly mean anything to her. when someone says i love you do they mean it? why do i have to be thinking about this? am i that pathetic?

Yearbook

so wowzers, what a day. one of my favorite classes as you probably know by now is yearbook. the first due date is this comming thursday. the stress has piled on. today during fifth hour i was working on some of the pages i am a part of and all the sudden the computer froze, shut down, and started back up again. well not thinking that much, i just left cause the bell for me to go to lunch had just rang. well i get back into homeroom to take the weekly bible verse and mrs. happ told me that elite vission (the program that we make our pages on) isnt working. it just isnt comming up. CRAZY! yeah so now what? we prayed a bajillion times and tried to find the folder and saved it and stuff then mr. ferret is now reloading the program and i'm guessing we are going to have to start from scratch. yeah at least we still have all the pics and what not in the file cabinet. so i pray to God that it will turn out all fine and dandy.
ok then yesterday, i go to a night class every wednesday to get my history credit at an alternative learning center. anyways the teacher dude gives us packets to work on for an hour and then we leave and go home. anyways he is always on the computer while we are doing the packets. yesterday i sat in a spot where i could see what he was looking at and typing and suff. anyways he has a blog on this bloggerbot.com. i had to chuckle a little at that. talk to you later, im off to work.

i got my cd!

wowzers, i got the cd in that i ordered the other day in the mail today. yeah i got headnoise. its a punk band prety rockin is all i can say.
i have been taking some picture for yearbook a lot lately and they got developed and they are not bad at all. im proud of myself. now if only i could be a photographer that would be even cooler. anyways, some day i will put one of the pics on my blog. alrighty God is awesome! talk to you later

God is so awesome!

This morning I went to church like always. God was there and He was so awesome and is so awesome I could never explain in full how I feel when I am in His presence. I had to work today from 2-10 and I have been prety hard on work and not liking it at all. Anyways, God must have put me there for a reason because first of all when I went to aply there I came with a Super America application (they forgave me and then I went into the back room to fill out the electronic application). So even though I dont want to admit it, it must be God's will for me to be here. Anyways, on with my story. Today I worked with Jon and another girl, she is cool and all. I was put on register one because Racheal was leaving at 8. So I was standing there taking liceanse plates down when out of the blue Jon asked me where I go to church. Wowzers! That totally caught me off guard. So we talked off and on about church and stuff. Him and I both dont like Holiday, no one uplifts eachother and so on. . . he put in his final notice, working two more weeks and then gone. I know at the beginning I didnt like him but as I work here more I have liked him better and better. Another thing that happened my friend Jake from MCCS came walking past the register, said hey Carrie, and then walked out. Why could he not have stayed and talked more, come on dude, he is an awesome kid and I dont see him anymore cause now he goes to Anoka Ramsey Tech.
Then along the day went and i got on break and cause I had my Bible I read some from Joshua and I started to pray and I prayed that if its God's will he would make me stay and if not he would allow me to get hired by Farmstead (where i volunteer). So then my break was over. A little bit after that one of the guys that comes in off and on came in and payed for fuel and what not. He asked me, "So did you quit for a while? You havent been around." and I said, "No I only work a few days a week because of school. " and he asked me a little about school, and then I said that I also dont work Sunday mornings anymore because of church. That got us on the subject about him going to a church now for a bit and where him and i go and what not. it was just cool how God can put one word into my mouth and it can change around something totally. ok so then Allan the night manager at Holiday comes in and he was on vacation for a few weeks. I guess he went to china. I learned tonight that he works with an underground church there and an atoption agency here in St. Paul. that just caught me by suprise and i learned a little bit more about him. its just cool to know there is another christian there with me at work even though we are never there at the same time, its still cool! I hope God shows you something in your life. and i hope he just lights the fire within you that can never stop burning! God bless I have to get to bed, talk to you later.

so i thought 

alright so Herman isnt as good as I thought he was  

state soccer tournament

Today my school only had a half day because or girls soccer team made it to state. That ruled. But, being me a nerd as I am I had to go to the game even though I'm not a sports fan. I'm in pep-band. this year our pep-band has to wear meadow creek band shirts. they are quite cheezy indeed. The game was cool and all and they played overtime loosing 1 to 2 prety close game. I dont like sports cause im way too competative! it was hard to watch. I hung out with a few of my friends. I talked to Craig about Anoka Ramsey Community College and he said he doesnt like it so that makes me rethink if i want to go there next year or not. I talked to Jon for a few minutes on MSN after I got home. It always makes me sad when we dont have much to say to eachother. He means the world to me he is my closest friend and I dont ever want to let him down. maybe i try too hard. or maybe not hard enough. anyways i wont ramble on and on about what i feel. i better go, i need to study for a chemistry test and Old Testiment survey test. Have an awesome afternoon and well. . . i guess night! love ya.