i was called out.

i hate feelings. one day they will be one thing and the next another. you ever feel like there is something playing with your brain making you go crazy. maybe eating away at it. taking every last morsel of normal/healthy, not scar tissue, out of it.
i feel like im going crazy. one minute i am happy with life and school and the next i feel like i am going insain and cant do anything. its all a waste of time. wishing i could wake up in my bed back home and still be in high school. nothing horridly important to worry about. nothing wrestling with my body. i feel like i am drowning in my own self image. i want to talk to my sister, i want to hug both of them. i want to be able to look my parents in the eye as i talk to them instead of looking at the words. wishing i could drive away from here with no one else in the car. but i am stuck here. no wheels, no possiblity to get aways besides the two wheels of my bike or the sk8 board. oh my gosh get me out of here.
im sick of using my brain. i feel like it is disintegrating even as i write this. i took another assessment for aleks. it nocked my back to 36. sick!!!! i was at 102. i need to get to 140 something in a few weeks. i am dying! oh my gosh. how can i do this. i can, i need to. im up to no good. i have so much work to do but so little time. im done, its over, im out. i hit the last ball and missed and was called out.