envy

en·vy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage 
Envy is a terrible thing. But it is hard to overcome sometimes. Maybe it's because we dream of things that are unattainable. I think of all of these things that I wish I was doing and I look at myself and am aware that I'm doing none of them. My heart breaks at how easily I give up on things. It seems as if I have no energy or motivation to do the the things I dream of. Here is a list of things I would like to do: -can more food -grow herbs -play more games with Addie -get outside more -go for walks -keep the house clean -travel over seas -go on a mission trips -live over seas and serve others -volunteer at local shelter/food shelf or assisted living Sometimes I think, what would it be like to be single? Would I be envious of other who are married? What would I be doing with my life? Would it be worthwhile. Why can't I be satisfied with my life? I have so much. I feel as if I haven't done anything with myself. How am I serving others and bettering others lives and my own? Since I was 14 I have dreamed of going over seas to an orphanage or school working with children and mothers. I dream of teaching the children or helping with medical care. Why don't I serve at my current location? I feel bogged down as if I have chains holding me down and I cant get free. I also am discouraged because of our debt. Money can take over a persons life. Money is a very dangerous thing! I have had this song stuck in my head forever. What am I not getting from the song that I should be?

 Blessed be your name In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
 Lord, Blessed be your name