in remembrance of you

Reminiscing the past
Experiences never forgotten
Closing my eyes
Scenes running past
Music whispering in my ears
My heart beat racing
Catching nothing but the wind
Calling out to the memory
The memory seems only a dream
Holding on to every thought
The heart never letting go
Washing away the heartache
But grasping the laughter
Time passes so quickly

Leaving only memories behind

the first and not the last

i just got done with my first college test. chemistry. yeah. 20 questions. i know that i at least go two questions wrong. i didnt know the conversions. other than that i knew the info and i think i did prety ok. im not going to get my hopes up though.

I am going to pass chemistry. not to say i did but for myself. to prove to myself that i can do it. that is my biggest goal this semester.

at 4:00 i am leaving to go on a retreat with Campus Ventures. i am so excited. this should be quite interesting and fun. there are two other groups from diff. colleges going. it is going to be awesome!

distributing

another day of college. today was an early start. I decided that i am not going to have a class before 9:00 ever again. that is just too early. classes didnt go to bad today. i just have a lot of work to do this week and next. my list: speech and draft for paper due Thursday, chem test friday (memorizing all the conversions and so on), friday i am leaving with cv for a weekend retreat, tuesday my first psych test, and then friday the 7th the next aleks section is due (i have 18 objectives left). yeah i dont feel totally stressed out its just a lot. oh and hey i think i am coming down with a cold cause i woke up this morning and it hurt to swallow and my lymph nodes are a bit swolen. whatever i guess, what can i do besides get the sleep needed to try and stay so so healthy. alright i am going to dinner sometime soon here.

Phat Herman in a blizzard

Herman oh my dear Herman.
Erin sent me this pic the other day.
First she sent me a pic and had me
guess what it was, then she sent me
this pic and said Herman in a blizzard.
Yeah i had to laugh just a bit.
alright well. . . tata for now.

lily

I'm sick of the saying, "I'm not going to lie to you"!!!!! it sickens me

i talked to erin today and she said that lily is a go. which means that my family is adopting another little girl from china. She said dad was making mom sign the papers to get going on that. Thats the biggest news back home besides the storm and erin going to take her permit test on wednesday.

Jon went back home this weekend. he hitched a ride with his band director. he said it was nice back home. I guess he chilled at home with his parents and his friend josh. honestly, i am kinda envious. I'm getting homesick finally. I dont know if it is just because its that time of the month or just because i'm homesick. I cant wait to go home. Also I miss jon. I miss him so much; its hard to explain.

anyways i'm not getting anywhere in homework so i better get going.

Chloe, Mya's orphanage buddy. She's a cutie! 

untitled

Watching the brilliant colors being consumed
Intense grayness gradually engulfing the beauty
Swallowing the gleaming dye
Tasting its enchanting essence
Satisfied by evenings passionate spirit
The grim darkness lay over its new terrain

Comfortably dormant in the new surroundings

Mya -O-

oh my little cute mya -o-
i miss the little one.
she is such a doll.

tornado in andover, MN

i was just talking to my sister and she told me that there was a really bad tornado in andover, mn last night. she said that the high school got hit and the new gyms roof was torn off and flooded. Meadow Creek didnt have school today. Erin said there are a lot of trees down and that her friend Emma has a tree now in their porch and the mclellans who are right next door have a no more trees. wow oh my gosh. how do you comprehend that. im just in shock. nature is acting very odd this year. with the hurricanes and everything down south. i was told that the gas prices are going to go up to $5. i dont know if i believe that so much. but i am sure they probably will go up. texas is thought to be on the path of the storm and there are a lot of oil wells there.
oh my gosh. i just dont know what to think anymore. i wish i could go back home.

On the right is a pic of a path jon and
i took and ran into some problems with cows. :)

Camping with jon was a blast last weekend. prety sweet eigh? (like my Minnesotan accent?)




this picture -----> is a pic of a path that we hicked up. it is actually that steep. prety rockin though! it was altogether quite beautiful especially the caves at the top.

the depth of darkness

A deep dusky shadow covers the ground
Moving slyly from place to place
Its hollow heart holds only hatred

Huddled in a far corner
Sits a small figure weeping

Not knowing what to do
The light slowly walks away

Allowing darkness to encompass

Holding tightly to the figure
Blowing its cold breath

The shadow charges forth
Grasping the figure securely in its clutch

The figure shutters in the gloom
Its sorrow shatters the dry ground
Like rain from a vacant sky

monday mayhem

Hey, its the monday mayhem again. i'm just sitting around wasting time. i only had chem. and math today. and now i am waiting to go to chem lab at 6:00 that should be just grand. the teacher seems cool and all but i just dont know. i dont feel like doing anything today. i feel like sitting around and being lazy.

i did do something though. i searched on the internet at colleges. i wish they would have an online test thing that could test you to see what major is best for you or would at least fit you.
I am having troubles figuring out what i want to do. you see i thought i wanted to be a nurse but i dont know. then i thought that i would minor in photography but that i dont know either. jon told me that i could double major and that sounds really good too. it makes sence and that is always good. but i just dont know like i keep repeating.

one thing i kinda just want to stay here at BHSU cause i really like it here. it is a good place. it is beautiful and just really fits me.

ok the picture is of my brother and sister. erin sent it to me on my first night in college. she said she never got to say goobye. so i really like the pic. its funny. i miss my siblings. i feel like staying in this room alone and not getting anything done. yeah i am bad. thats what happens sometimes.

well, i have homework to do for chem lab. i better get going and actually get something done today. oh and i have my first test next friday for chem. i am very excited... not! i am kinda afraid. i still dont know all the conversion but i will try and get there. i will study, and that will be good.

a new thing

Hey folks. this weekend was great. my friday night started off with my sister calling me! that made my day. her and i talked for at least a half an hour. that really encouraged me. i was glad that we can still talk. for some reason i have a crazy idea in my head that her and i arent that tight anymore which scares me. i love her so much. she means a lot to me. anyways our conversation was good. i was glad to hear where her life has been taking her.
i had to say goodbye to erin because jon was calling me from the parking lot here at BHSU. he had driven from billings to see me. I had been counting down the hours until he got there. i was so excited to see him.
i didnt show him much friday night because it was already dark out so we hung out in my dorm. not exactly the most exciting thing in the world to do with my boyfriend after i hadnt seen him in a few weeks. anyways rachel got back from the concert she had gone to so then the three of us hung out. erin was away for the night because she had gone to a football game with skye and john.
around 10 or 11 jon and i left for the camp sight. we went to timon which is a campsight about 30-40 minutes from the college in the canion. we drove a bit slower because of the deer that could come bouncing out at you around the next corner. after we got to timon we set up the tent with the full moon shining down on us and with a small flashlight that i had brought for just the occasion. we then got in the tent and snuggled together to keep warm. that night we only slept for a few hours. him and i talked about a lot of diff. things. nothing really crazy or extremely important; but we just talked. camp was one thing that we talked about. how we had met and people that we knew from there. people that he had gone to church with. we talked about the first time we had ever talked to eachother, our first impressions of oneanother, and how he thought that when he gave me my number i wouldnt actually call him. i did. how or why i called him i dont know. i'm not even the most gutsy person ever either. he said that he wanted to talk to me because i didnt seem like everyone else (he better worded that).
yeah, we talked about a lot. but also just sat there together in silence which is also a good thing. the night went well but we didnt get much sleep. when you arent near your boyfriend or girlfriend then time spent together is a big thing.
on saturday morning we got back to the dorm and skye called john and john let us in to his dorm so jon could take a shower. we got all cleaned up and went to breakfast/lunch with john, skye, t-love, tod-the-bod, and erin. we all went to perkins. that was actually really good. when we got back we fooled around with the long-boards. i thought that was totally awesome. i stole john's board the other night and just road around campus. jon said he is going to get a new one and give me his old one which i think is totally cool cause then i dont have to pay for one. i'm down with that.
i showed jon around campus on saturday too and we went hiking up in the canion and ran into some cows. we then turned around to go back, then decided to take a pic of them and then turned around and went our way back. there was a small stream near the path so i walked across a log onto the other side and we made a path there finding our way back to the entrance by following the stream it was so beautiful. we walked in the woods a bit which i loved. it was fun.
on another path that my friends had told us about we went up and it was prety steep. it brought us up to some caves in the rocks. the caves and the view was awesome. i loved it almost as much as i love jon. :) him and i stayed up there for a little while until it got too cold to stay up there. if he had had a hoodie we would have watched the sunset. awesome, for sure. alright i will stop explaining everything. i just want to be able to remember in days to come: you should understand that.
we didnt camp in timon the second night because it was full so we went back up the road a bit and camped there. we played a few card games and then layed there in eachothers arms. it was still early but i was tired. we fell asleep off and on but in the midst of that on one of the occasions where we were both awake we talked about college and what i want in it and what i am going to major in. he had a lot to say. jon means so much to me. his opinion matters. something he told me actually made sence. he asked me why i dont just do a double major in nursing and photography. i guess i never thought of that.
we also talked about the big "m". oh wow you say. yes i agree. the conversation was on if or when we want to get married. i would love to marry him and i told him that. he had told me a while ago about how he thought that he shouldnt get married until after he graduated. it would just be too hard to during college. i dont know for sure what i want. it makes sence both ways. i wont go into much detail about that conversation. i just want to be able to read this and remember it.
so today we had to say goodbye. we didnt do anything really exciting or enthusing. we just sat together. talked and sat in silence.
certain things just turn out diff. than you think they would.

a reaction

oh man i am so excited. first of all its the weekend, thank God. second of all jon is coming here to visit me. he is on the way as we speak. ROCK ON!
there are about 5 of us in my hall right now. everyone else is gone. that is weird cool but odd. oh well i kidna like it.

Farts!!

"I like fart butts and I cannot lie
The smell I can't deny. . . "

a good quote

Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You can't get there by bus, only by hard work and risk and by not quite knowing what you're doing. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself.
(Alan Alda)

erin made posters for our room and had balloons all over the floor. she is the best roomie!! 

rachel and ashley hung this up on my door for my b-day!! 

It's my birthday!!!

hey folks out there!
It's my birthday! i am not 19 years old. how crazy is that. i think it is crazy. i still feel like im 14.
so i woke up this fine morning and looked out of my little hut (im on the lower bunk and have been putting a blanket up to keep it darker in the morning). and there are balloons on all over the room and erin put up signs saying happy b-day and when i open my door to go to the restroom there are streamers and balloons on the door. i have the coolest hall ever.
to make it even better, even though i really like the proph, my chem class was canceled. so i go up the 40 steps this morning and get to the door and the lights are off in the room. a sign on the door says it was canceled. so i only have math lab today. that should be totally awesomely not too fun. yeah. what a day.
Shana!!!! she is so sweet. i really think she rocks my world. lol. she got me some jones soda, i drank that stuff all the time last year; back home. ok funny story. i dont know if i told it here on my blog yet or not.
this summer jon and i were at the park in buffalo, MN and we were sitting there in the back seat of the car after we had walked around and played on the playground. It probably wasnt the best idea to sit in the back seat together. anyways (yeah we kissed a few times) we were just talking and stuff. then all of the sudden, this bright light is shining in the car. i slowly sneek up to the front seat leaving jon in the back all by himself. i just knew it was a cop i just didnt want to look back. jon peaked his head over the seat looking back and sure enough it was.
the cop came up to us and talked to us. he asked us what we were doing and we said, like every other time we have been bothered by a cop, "we are just chillin here and talking" which was true. anyways the cop took our liceanses and ran them through. while doing that jon said that the cop knew his brother because his bro parties. he came back and looked around the car, said it smelled funny, like weed or something. a fact is i burn incence in my car sometimes. he then looked down behind the drivers seat and saw bottles. he asked if they were alchohol. NO WAY! all nonchalant i said it was jones soda and that he should try it. lol that was great so we had a conversation with the cop about jones soda. haha. then he let us off with a warning saying that the park closes at whatever time... and that was that. jon and i went back to his house and chilled out there. the story would probably be funnier if you were there and if i were actually good at telling stories. oh well enjoy and i will talk to you later!

this pic was taken from my camera phone. it was storming the other night and this is looking outside my dorm window. 

ahahahaha... chillin in the practice room with a looney 

this is a pic i found on the web. this is in china. it makes me sad.  

Campus Ventures

i just got back from the weekly campus ventures on tuesday nights at 6:00. it is really cool. they call it FUEL. I like it because it is encouraging to see other christians on campus and just fellowship with other people. today they spoke about where you are going in life and how lots of people say whatever. they dont really know. ya know im going... whatever. we need to ask for direction from God and just be in his will not his own. i know that is said a lot but it is true. without following God's direction we can be brought into places we never wanted to be. so i could say more but i have to read some for my homework tonight. i will share later.

outside our dorm.  

lighting the way 

our dorms neighbors like to walk the rope. 

the doorway to life 

light of the world 

settling into another night at BHSU 

hooked

lol. i showed shana how to do a blog and now she is hooked!! that is great. i just have to laugh. so cool, so cool.
alright, back to chemistry. oh yeah proph. hightower is so awesome. right now im thinkin he is my favorite teacher. the lady yesterday from church, i will tell you about her in another post, said that he is a christian. that is cool. i guess i could have seen that coming. he wears one of those fish neclaces. ok whatever. back to listening to my swing record and doing some reading for chem. later

an understanding

I'm really liking it out here in sodak. college is going well. i have met some great people. well. . . mostly girls but there is nothing wrong with that. it makes a diff. cause i am in an all girls dorm. i'm lovin every bit of it. well i guess not every bit cause there are a few girls who just bicker way too much. other than that its totally rockin and quite the experience.
dad was in town last night. her rode the bus here and i met him down on main street and walked with him to the motel. he came to pick up the car cause i am going off my seizure medication so i cant drive for six months plus the amount of time it takes me to dwindle down off of it. so i wont be able to drive until next april. around my easter break i do believe. that totally sucks but its not as hard now because i have made some friends that i can mooch a ride off of and stuff. at first i was really ticked off about that but i guess its not too bad.
anyways so dad was in spearfish with me last night. we took a trip to walmart to get some things for the car because the check engine light was on. that was totally not cool i went back from billings with it on. i was so glad i made it back here. a four and a half hour drive with it on. but anyways dad put something in the car and the light turned off so hopefully that will be good. i hope he is all safe.
him and i went to one of the two chinese resteraunts in this small town for dinner. we were the only ones in there. i suppose it was around 8:30 when we got there. good food though. the two of us talked about whats going on back home and here at college for me. that meant a lot to me. i wanted to cry.
dad talked about how erin has been talking to bobby a lot (the kid i hung out with and almost dated last christmas). he said she has a crush on him which i already had guessed. he is a year older than me. ick he better not touch my little sister who is only a freshmen in high school. that was interesting to talk about. he also told me about how mya is doing and how she had to go back to the hospital for another CT scan for tuberculosis. i pray that she doesnt have a bad case of it or will just need a little bit of treatment. i miss that silly little girl.
what i miss the most about home though; as i figured out when i was laying in bed the other night. i miss being able to go up to dads office and talk to him whenever or find mom around the house and talk about how the day went and whats going on in life. most of all i miss having my biggest, little sister next door to me. i loved being able to talk to her at any time. we would just sit in our rooms before we went to bed and talk about whatever. i loved it! i miss it! i miss my family.
i guess life brings you diff. places to let you find out about how good you had it where you were. i love here im not saying otherwise. but i do miss home. i miss my family and friends and especially jon (he isnt really back home but not too close).
its interesting to see how life takes you.

rachel and me at the concert. we rocked the "house" out 

the queen and her ice cream mohawk 

Hilary got rachel with a cone!!!!! hahah 

adrian crocheting while watching a paradime on campus 

what life brings

wow. now im aways in spearfish, sd for college. it has been quite the experience so far. i'm really liking it. everything is going perty well. i have met some awesome girls and talked to a few guys last night who were like tight rope walking. i dont remember the actual title. sorry. im really likin gmy roomie. she is a sweetie. there are some other chikas that i have been hanging out with on my hall. they are a riot.
this weekend, being that it was a long weekend of labor day, i drove to billings, mt. i visited jon. it took four and a half hours on I-90 to drive there from spearfish. it didnt seem too far though. and it was totally worth it cause i got to see jon who i miss not seeing him.
anyways i left here at 7:05 and got there around 11 or something. when i got there he was taking campaign pictures cause he is running for student senate. that is really cool. oh man i looked and him and just had to laugh inside. he makes my heart smile.
while i was there we kinda just hung out. we went around town. up on the cliff or lookover the town. that was beautiful. the town really want what i had expected but it was prety cool. i do know now how much i love minnesota!! i miss the lakes and the trees and just the beauty of it all. i do like it here though it is beautiful too but just not home.
Jon and I watched I heart huckabees. i liked that movie a lot. it was good. i met some of his friends. they are cool. we played folf, frisbee golf. i wasnt the best but i did get better through the game. we then climbed a really cool tree and i got stung by a wasp. not a big deal though. we even went in a corn maze. about the whole weekend my favorite part was just getting to be with him. to see him and spend time with him.
we hung out in his dorm. i think what i liked the most like i said was just spending time with him. hearing what he had to say, catching up on things, being able to be with him. the more time i spend with him the more i dont want to leave. i want to stay and be near to him. i love him very much and hate saying goodbye.
he told me that he loved me. the first time this weekend. he has said he loves me as a best friend but never loved me. i never wanted to let go of him. i miss him and it was only yesterday that i left billings.
distance makes you appreciate things in life that you havent thought about before. life is interesting.