Isaiah 1:17

It is prayer that transforms us, and only through prayer can we transform the world.

quote

"Humor is the spiciest condiment in human existence." Anne of the Island

Song of the Day

Draw me close to You 
Never let me go 
I lay it all down again 
To hear You say that I'm your friend 
You are my desire 
No one else will do 
Cause nothing else could take Your place 
To feel the warmth of Your embrace 
Help me find the way bring me back to You 

You're all I want 
You're all I ever needed 
You're all want 
Help me know You are near. 

(Ladies) 
Draw me close to You 
Never let me go 
I lay it all down again 
To hear You say that I'm your friend 
(Men) 
You are my desire 
No one else will do 
Cause nothing else could take Your place 
To feel the warmth of Your embrace 
(Everyone) 
Help me find the way bring me back to You 

You're all I want 
You're all I've ever needed 
You're all I want 
Help me know You are near (2x) 

Help me know You are near (2x) 

Whole30 Day 6

You know, I'm not even sure if I am on day 6 or 7. Either way, I feel my self confidence is going up. I believe it is because I am not eating all this junk and then regretting it. Again, having an apple or some other fruit for a sweet seems not to fill me up too much but is more satisfying knowing that it isn't a ton of calories. Don't get me wrong, I am craving chocolate, apple crisp, or really any sweet. I can do this, I can do this!

Missions

What is God's will for my life. The truth is that as a married woman with a child it is not "my" life, it is our life. So, what is God's will for our life. Where is God leading us and where is He going to open the doors for Jon to get a job or post grad.

I picture Jon working at a college overseas and me working in a school. Maybe this isn't what God wants me to do. I pray that God leads us.

"As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should."
Psalms 119:7

Whole30 Day 5

I am on day 5 of the Whole30 diet. So far it has been hard but it is good to know that I am being more healthy. After I eat a meal I like something sweet. To satisfy my sweet tooth I have eaten apples or pears, really any fruit that is somewhat sweet. Also, I am proud of myself for eating raisins last night. They actually weren't as gross as that have been in the past. Raisins are still not my favorite though. Last night Jon and I baked seasoned chicken in the oven and put my home made tomato sauce on it. If I could have dairy the sauce would make good Parmesan chicken. I pray that I can keep it up and realize how healthier food is better for me. It's crazy how much high fructose corn syrup is in everything and all the crazy ingredients in all the foods we eat. It's time to start making things at home and knowing what is going into our mouths/body.

These ideas make me want to set up a makeshift studio in our house and photograph the process of making these foods. Inspiring!

granola bar recipies - http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelysanders/diy-granola-bars#1qebgwz

Whole30: Day 1

I am starting a diet called whole30. The Whole30 takes sugars, grains, dairy, and legumes out of the diet. They say it can help with a lot of health issues. I am looking to lower my cholesterol and blood pressure. Both run high in my dad's side of the family. I would rather not have those health issues! I am interested to see how the foods I will be removing affect my body and life. For the whole month I am not allowed to step on a scale. I will be interested to see if my pants will fit better. I have gotten into the bad habbit of soda and sweets. This has led me back to an unwanted weight. My main concern is that I wont be able to stick to it. I pray that I can.

envy

en·vy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage 
Envy is a terrible thing. But it is hard to overcome sometimes. Maybe it's because we dream of things that are unattainable. I think of all of these things that I wish I was doing and I look at myself and am aware that I'm doing none of them. My heart breaks at how easily I give up on things. It seems as if I have no energy or motivation to do the the things I dream of. Here is a list of things I would like to do: -can more food -grow herbs -play more games with Addie -get outside more -go for walks -keep the house clean -travel over seas -go on a mission trips -live over seas and serve others -volunteer at local shelter/food shelf or assisted living Sometimes I think, what would it be like to be single? Would I be envious of other who are married? What would I be doing with my life? Would it be worthwhile. Why can't I be satisfied with my life? I have so much. I feel as if I haven't done anything with myself. How am I serving others and bettering others lives and my own? Since I was 14 I have dreamed of going over seas to an orphanage or school working with children and mothers. I dream of teaching the children or helping with medical care. Why don't I serve at my current location? I feel bogged down as if I have chains holding me down and I cant get free. I also am discouraged because of our debt. Money can take over a persons life. Money is a very dangerous thing! I have had this song stuck in my head forever. What am I not getting from the song that I should be?

 Blessed be your name In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
 Lord, Blessed be your name

life struggles

Life is really biting us in the butt. Talk about debbie downer, I just want to get out and run away from all this crap. Addie is the biggest bedtime fighter in the world. I feel like if we didn't live in an apartment where everyone can hear and see everything you do that we would be in a much better place in life. But alas, life sucks and we are stuck in this shit hole for at least another year. Addie wont go to bed, Jon's temper is a ticking time bomb. He doesn't have the patience to let Addie scream, he goes back in and yells at her and slams her door. No wonder we have no contorol. Our patience is waning. I just want out! I got stuck in the snow this morning on my way out to work (too long of a winter). Our neighbor stood at the window just watching us. Good grief, mind your own business! I feel like I am being watched or listened to by everyone. I have no out, no alone time, no space to just live like I want to. Can I run away to the mountains, to the river, to the north woods and have serenity and time to reconnect with myself and be reminded that there is a God. Maybe if I could get out in nice weather and get some time to myself just to drive around and take pics. I need time to myself.

fantasy baseball pic

Long Days

Life has me thinking. I keep wondering if I have made the right decisions. Why did I decide to do this or that? How did I choose to go after the man I married and not some other person? Why have I changed so much? Am I still the same person? We are living in Fargo, ND. Boy, I never imagined myself living here. I'm working as a phlebotomist at a hospital in town. Not exactly my dream job. What happened to my childhood dreams? Was what I thought adulthood held untrue? About life: You know what bugs me the most? It's when people want to talk all about themselves but give no care to what you have to say or about your life. Life and relationships are about hearing each other out, having compassion, and much more. I guess I just feel that I am being snuffed out in life. I go to work everyday. Everyone wants to be heard and doesn't want to listen. My goals and passions mean nothing to others. So how could I be as much of an influence to others as I had thought one day I could. People's cold hearts are bitter and selfish. It is all about themselves. I miss the friendships I once had. Laughter and happiness. I wish I could go back in time and figure some things out. Or at least ask people questions about the past.

10th Aniversary Plans

I have been growing my hair out since the day I found out I was pregnant over a year ago. The decision to grow it out was because I never know what to do with my hair and I heard that while you are pregnant your hair grows faster because of hormones. I then decided that after my hair gets long enough I will cut it for charity. Today I was searching for different charities besides Locks of Love. I found this one:


Wigs For Kids

They seem to be a great nonprofit organization that donates the hair to a child that could not otherwise get a wig. Fact: it takes 20-30 hair donations to create one single wig.

My decision to donate my hair is official. The date I will cut it is the 10th anniversary of my brain tumor. That is if my hair is long enough. As of today my hair is 10.5 inches. The requirement is 12 inches. So, on 10 anniversary of being tumor free I plan on chopping off my hair. If anyone would like to donate money for me to send along with my hair that would be greatly appreciated, just contact me or go onto the Wigs for Kids website.

Check out my story Carrie Totushek Photography Blog

Angels are Perfect

Jon said, "What's wrong Addie?"
Sarah Titcombe's reply, "Nothings wrong. She's an angel, and angels are perfect."

Conversation from Jake and Kara's wedding.

1st Pizza order

Jon and I are ordering a pizza delivery. This is the 1st time in our 5 yr marriage that we have done this. I think this is my 1st time period. Wow.

my baby is going to crawl

I am going to crawl

yes mommy, I am next to crawl...

My baby is going to crawl any minute now. She is already slithering all over the floor and will probably have the crawling thing down by the end of the week. I am so excited but a bit worried. We will have to keep that floor spic-n-span! I can't believe she is almost 6 months old already. Gosh this is going by pretty fast. She will be graduating from high school the next thing I know.