the start of it all

10th Aniversary Plans

2012-02-04T13:13:00.005-06:00

I have been growing my hair out since the day I found out I was pregnant over a year ago. The decision to grow it out was because I never know what to do with my hair and I heard that while you are pregnant your hair grows faster because of hormones. I then decided that after my hair gets long enough I will cut it for charity. Today I was searching for different charities besides Locks of Love. I found this one:

Wigs For Kids

They seem to be a great nonprofit organization that donates the hair to a child that could not otherwise get a wig. Fact: it takes 20-30 hair donations to create one single wig.

My decision to donate my hair is official. The date I will cut it is the 10th anniversary of my brain tumor. That is if my hair is long enough. As of today my hair is 10.5 inches. The requirement is 12 inches. So, on 10 anniversary of being tumor free I plan on chopping off my hair. If anyone would like to donate money for me to send along with my hair that would be greatly appreciated, just contact me or go onto the Wigs for Kids website.

Check out my story Carrie Totushek Photography Blog

Angels are Perfect

2012-01-28T12:29:00.003-06:00

Jon said, "What's wrong Addie?"
Sarah Titcombe's reply, "Nothings wrong. She's an angel, and angels are perfect."

Conversation from Jake and Kara's wedding.

1st Pizza order

2012-01-21T21:19:00.001-06:00

Jon and I are ordering a pizza delivery. This is the 1st time in our 5 yr marriage that we have done this. I think this is my 1st time period. Wow.

my baby is going to crawl

2012-01-19T08:20:00.006-06:00

I am going to crawl

yes mommy, I am next to crawl...

My baby is going to crawl any minute now. She is already slithering all over the floor and will probably have the crawling thing down by the end of the week. I am so excited but a bit worried. We will have to keep that floor spic-n-span! I can't believe she is almost 6 months old already. Gosh this is going by pretty fast. She will be graduating from high school the next thing I know.

my friend jenny

2012-01-12T17:50:00.001-06:00

I talked to my friend Jenny this evening. How fantastic!

Posting

2012-01-12T11:22:00.002-06:00

I really need to post more often. I think of things that I would like to post so I can remember them and then I get lazy or distracted and don't do it. So yeah...

Jon just went back to school for his sixth semester at NDSU's grad school. I will be so happy when he is done there and he can get a job that actually pays what he deserves. Speaking of jobs. I have an interview today. I'm not sure I even want the job but we will see. It is as a dietary aide. Yes, I have done that before and I liked it. But that was while I was still in high school and didn't have any further education where I could make more money. I have decided that as soon as I can I will order new post cards to advertise my business and place them at bridal shops and baby stores if possible. I can write that off in my taxes next year so that would be great!

Addie, I am trying very hard to get her to take longer naps. I have read the Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solutions." I'm not sure what I think and I feel like it is going to take forever to get Addie to sleep longer. Last night she was up almost every hour and I cant deal with that. Though I think it might have been because she is teething. I wish those teeth would just pop out of her gum's already. I can see a little bit of the white and they are just sitting there causing my baby pain. She has slept a whole hour today so far, she is still sleeping in the other room! Hooray! She will probably wake up now that I said that though.

I need to take her 6 month photos in a few weeks here. I would say maybe outside in the snow but alas there is just a light dusting of snow on the ground so something else will have to happen.

Oh Dear

2011-11-14T09:19:00.004-06:00

My poor baby girl has the sniffles. Yesterday I worked and she wouldn't eat for Jon at all. He had to bring her into my work and have me feed her. Quite a difference from after she got her tongue cut and could nurse for the first time. She is quite the fighter and has much kick to her.

Oh, I bought a sewing machine last weekend. My pre-Christmas present to myself (one of my wedding clients bought the rights to their images). I haven't had a huge amount of time to sew but I have gotten a chance to make booties for Adelaide and a pillow case. The pillow case was my practice run/reminding myself how to sew since it has been several years since I have sewed. I will try and get some pics of the projects up on my blog here sometime.

1st true giggle

2011-11-01T21:16:00.001-05:00

Adelaide's first true laugh was at Scooter popping bubbles. It was super funny. I cant wait for more giggles and laughs.

Grandpa

2011-09-23T06:42:00.005-05:00

Dear Grandpa Werner Herman Aarons,

Today is the day that we lye your body down to rest. A body is of this world. We mourn your passing but we celebrate your life and the new life you have with Jesus. Your spirit has gone to rest for eternity with God.
You will forever hold a very special spot in my heart. I will never forget what a good man of God you were, serving your family and the community around you.

Love you with all my heart, your first granddaughter,

Carrie (Anderson) Totushek

Werner H Aarons, 87, of rural Sleepy Eye, MN died on Wednesday, September 21, 2011 at Gil-Mor Manor Nursing Home in Morgan, MN. Visitation will be at Sturm Funeral Home - Sleepy Eye, MN on Friday from 4 to 8 PM and at St. Matthew's Lutheran Church on Saturday from 9:30 to 10:30 AM. Service will be held at St. Matthew's Lutheran Church, Evan, MN on Saturday, September 24, 2011 at 10:30 AM. The Clergy will be Rev. Rebecca Krogstad Interment Brookville-Dannebod Cemetery, rural Cobden, MN. Military rites by the Sleepy Eye Honor Guard. Arrangements are with the Sturm Funeral Home in Sleepy Eye, MN.

Werner H. Aarons was born on May 5, 1924 in Albert Lea, MN the son of Simon & Agnes (Bjerre) Aarons. He grew up and attended school in Albert Lea. He moved with his family to the Morgan area and in 1943 entered the US Navy where he served until he was honorably discharged in 1946. Werner worked for Clements Lumber for a short time. He began farming in the area and married Arlene Jensen on October 1, 1955 at St. Matthew's Lutheran Church in Evan. They moved to Fairfax in 1960 and later to the Bird Island area in 1964. After farming for 50 years the couple moved back to rural Sleepy Eye in August of 1990. Werner was a member of Swedlanda Lutheran Church and St. Matthew's Lutheran Church. He enjoyed farming, fishing, singing, men's choir and especially spending time with his family. He was involved in the Morgan Lion's Club, Farm Bureau Board, Palmyra Town Board, Church Council, Sunday School Teacher and the Gideons.

Survivors include his wife, Arlene of Sleepy Eye, children, Calvin (Mary) of Bird Island, Kurt (Karen) of Nicollet, Charlie (Donna) of Maple Grove, Verna (Keith) Anderson of Maple Grove, Colette (Steve) Huiras of Springfield & Colleen (Russell) Danielson of Fairfax, 20 grandchildren, 6 great-grandchildren, sisters, Sigred Hansen of Farmington & Mary Dunn of Sacramento, CA, brothers, Richard (Novella) Aarons of Paynesville & Gerald (Anne) Aarons of xx,OR. He was preceded in death by his parents, sister, Paula Wildung, brother Charles and an infant brother Derold.

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah

2011-09-21T08:58:00.002-05:00

Grandpa Werner Herman Aarons passed away this morning around 4am. This is the song that came to me. He was a wonderful man and I am so happy that I am blessed to have known him. Grandpa got to meed Adelaide a few weeks ago. She wont remember but I will and it makes me happy.

'Glory Glory Hallelujah
(African-American Traditional)

Verse 1:
Glory, glory, hallelujah,
since I laid my burden down.

Glory, glory, hallelujah,
since I laid my burden down.

Verse 2:
Friends don't treat me like they used to
since I laid my burden down.

Friends don't treat me like they used to
since I laid my burden down.

Verse 3:
I feel better, so much better
since I laid my burden down.

I feel better, so much better
since I laid my burden down.

Verse 4:
Feel like shouting, "hallelujah",
since I laid my burden down.

Feel like shouting, "hallelujah",
since I laid my burden down.

Verse 5:
I am climbing Jacob's ladder
since I laid my burden down.

I am climbing Jacob's ladder
since I laid my burden down.

Verse 6:
Every round goes higher and higher
since I laid my burden down.

Every round goes higher and higher
since I laid my burden down.

Not Too Much (plus 1m pics)

2011-09-13T12:53:00.005-05:00

Not too much, or is it too much that is happening and I just can't keep up. It is the second I do believe. Things are lacking around the apartment, some things just can't get done in a timely fashion. Though I do try but there are other things in life that are now more important like Addie, feeding her and keeping her happy and loved. Also, sleep is magnificent, especially naps!

Addie is smiling now. She loves when Jon kisses her all over her face and when we talk to her in a higher silly voice and smile super big ourselves. She has been kinda fussy to Jon while I am away at work. He wants me to cut back on hours but I am not sure that is possible for me to keep the position I am in at the job. Also, we need to be able to pay bills though I would love to be home with Addie all the time as long as I had a group like MOPS or some way to get out of the apartment and be around other people. Speaking of MOPS, I am hoping on joining the group through our church. It will be nice to meet other women with babies and just to meet people and make some friends here in Fargo. I like Jon's friends and all but it would be nice to make some of my own friends.

Great Grandparents

2011-08-29T08:57:00.001-05:00

Andersons

Aarons

Tongue

2011-08-23T20:20:00.002-05:00

Today we got a call from the ear, nose, and throat doctor. We had been on a waiting list for Addie and they had a cancelation today. I happily accepted the appointment without caring what time it was at. Jon had to skip his first day of T.A.ing to go to the appointment. If we hadn't have gone in today we would have to wait until September 7th. That would mean she would be 6 weeks already and that was just too long for me to wait, especially if I was still pumping breast milk for her to drink. I also dont want her to have speech problems later on in life.

I dont even know why I have been so stuck on breastfeeding. I guess I just really wanted to be natural and it has more nutrients that are just perfect for her and her tummy. Breastfeeding is also cheaper and I had thought it would be easier, I wouldn't have to make bottles, clean them, get up in the middle of the night. All I would have to do was bring her to me and hold her little body in my arms. I thought the hardest part would be teach her initially. Well, that's that, I hope she can re-learn how to latch on and we can flourish in breastfeeding.

We went in at 2:15pm and the nurse totally had baby fever, she was all up saying how much she loves seeing babies. The doctor came in and said that yes, Addie had a more attached tongue, "tongue tied" and that he would cut it so there was more separation and allowed more movement of the tongue. He put a banana flavored number under her tongue, which she really didn't like, as I held her in the big chair and Jon held her hands from flailing. The doctor then went on to take a little scissors and do two snips on that tissue under her tongue. It was hard to watch since she is my baby but he said it didn't really hurt.

Afterwards I tried to get her to breastfeed at the office but she didn't want that. She sort of latched when she ate at home later and hopefully will get better. Addie will need to get the suction going again, the bottle lets her slack on that. I hope that she can get it all figured out and we can go to breastfeeding. Then I wont have to pump so much and it will be the way I wanted it to be. If it doesn't seem to work then I will probably finish off the month giving her pumped breast milk and then go to formula. I would rather enjoy watching her and playing with her then pumping all the time.

And That's How it Goes

2011-08-16T15:36:00.003-05:00

Faith is trusting in the character of God when you have reasons not to.
- Cory Timboom -

I just wanted to say that my husband is so wonderful! He has been such an equal part with taking care of Adelaide, keeping up on the dishes and so on.

She's Mine

2011-08-13T16:13:00.006-05:00

I have a new model, the cats just didn't cut it.

Pappy and Adelaide taking a nap when he and the rest of the family were in town last weekend.

Four generation pic with Great G-ma Arlene Sherman, G-ma Faith, Jon, Me, & Adelaide

Adelaide and Me after her bath.

She's my little model. I don't think I could get enough pics of her.

Two Weeks Old

2011-08-09T12:37:00.006-05:00

My baby is an hour away from being two weeks old! I can't believe it has been two weeks since I went into labor and that I carried our baby for nine months. She has been doing pretty well. Addie sleeps a lot and eats about every two hours during the day and about three hours at night. She's the love of my life (okay, Jon too).

Adelaide has had trouble breast feeding from the beginning. She didn't get as much colostrum as she should have and would get fussy at the breast. She lost 11% of her body weight within the first week of life. Anything over 10% is not good. She was down to about 6lbs 9oz. We had to do something! Jon and I had a lactation specialist help us out at the hospital and then went and saw one at the pediatrician's office. They, and our pediatrician, said she is tongue tied. Being tongue tied can cause problems breast feeding and may affect her speech later on in life. The solution would be to see a specialist and get the membrane cut a bit.

Definition: Ankyloglossia, commonly known as tongue tie, is a congenital oral anomaly which may decrease mobility of the tongue tip and is caused by an unusually short, thick lingual frenulum, a membrane connecting the underside of the tongue to the floor of the mouth.

In other words she would really want some food but just couldn't get it. Her case isn't the worst, but I want the best for my daughter. The lactation specialist gave me a plastic nipple extension but Adelaide didn't take to that. The specialist also gave us a syringe with a long thin straw like thing to have Addie suck on our pinkie and feed her with the straw next to our pinkie. That last way of feeding is more like breast feeding and would keep Addie's sucking up to par unlike the bottle which they say is the lazy way.

I started out wanting to breastfeed because it was super good for our baby and way cheaper then formula. I want the best for my baby. We have been feeding her about half formula and half breast milk from a bottle (making me pump every two hours), the other two ways were getting too tough. The pumping has taken up so much time and energy. I feel so bad for my baby and just want to get things fixed so she wont have any problems later in life. It's so hard to know she has this. I just want to cry, she's my baby, I want everything to be perfect for her.

Jon and I had made an appointment for an ear, nose, and throat doctor for tomorrow but they called us and said we had to cancel the appointment because our insurance wouldn't let us have that appointment unless Adelaide's primary care physician had referred us to them. That sucks. Hopefully we can get a referral on Thursday at her two week appointment though it isn't with Adelaide's PCP. Her PCP is out of town on vacation for the week.

Pray for the best.

some pics

2011-08-05T10:57:00.005-05:00

A big yawn!

Hangin' out with Daddy

A week old

2011-08-02T13:44:00.003-05:00

Adelaide is a week and 11 minutes old!

That week went fast. What a blur.

Labor & Birth Story

2011-07-30T17:53:00.007-05:00

At 4am Tuesday morning I woke up while trying to roll over to my other side in bed. This had become quite the task. As I rolled over I felt something leak out of me and I thought maybe it was all in my head. Just in case though I moved a bit to see if I wasn't just hoping that my water broke. Next I grabbed a pad from my purse next to the bed (put there just in case this happened). I slowly waddled to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. Another gush. My water had broken.

I let Jon sleep a bit more as I made sure I had everything ready and called the hospital. I woke Jon up at 4:30 and we ate some cereal and were on our way to the hospital. At the hospital we checked in and got a room. They checked my cervix and I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. The nurse checked babies heart beat and it was great and my contractions were 6 minutes apart. Jon and I then started to pace the hall ways trying to walk myself further into labor. It wasn't working too well, my contractions only went up to 5 minutes apart but not horribly strong. They felt like a menstrual cramp. I got a birth ball, it looked like an egg and I didn't like it as much as my yoga ball at home. I couldn't rotate my hips and bounce as nicely on it. A few hours later my contractions were getting stronger and pretty painful. The breathing technique that we learned in class sort of worked, but now well enough. I had to grab the bed handles and it was hurting so bad. My cervix was 5 or 6 cm dilated. I asked for drugs.

The drugs only worked about 45 minutes and they had given me a little bit of the drug to help my labor. The drugs made me feel like I was totally out there. After the 45 minutes went by and the drugs wore off I was brought quickly back to reality and the contractions were killing me. They were menstrual cramps times a bajillion. I just wanted baby to come out and be okay. I then was in major pain and asked for the epidural. Until the epidural was finally put in I was going crazy with contractions. They were about every 4 minutes apart or so. When they put in the epidural they had me hold a pillow and try not to move. It was so hard and I squeezed the life out of that pillow. Once the epidural kicked in I thought to myself, why hadn't I done this earlier. The pain went down to a light cramping.

By then, baby was about to come out. They had me hold my legs close to me and Jon stood on my right side talking to me and encouraging me. It was time to push. Babies head was right there. I only was in stage 3 labor for a half an hour. Babies head was at least half way out and they had me stop pushing and wait for the Dr. I could feel the pressure down there and it was just awkward just having babies head just sitting there. Jon said he just had to look and babies head was almost out and was totally weird. Finally, Dr. Mickelson arrived and the labor went on. I pushed on a few more contractions and baby was out. They immediately placed her on my chest and I held her and couldn't believe I had just given birth and that Jon and I now had a beautiful baby girl! Jon cut the umbilical cord and she was crying. It was great to finally see our baby that I have been toting around for the past 9 months.

The nurse and Jon took her to get her weight and length and check her vitals. I pushed out the placenta, that thing is huge! After Jon returned we got our first family picture.

Adelaide Amelia - born July 26th, 2011 - 7lbs 6oz - 21in long

She's Here

2011-07-29T10:08:00.002-05:00

We have made it through our first night at home. Horray! It didn't go too bad. She had a few feedings and did some crying around 4:00am. We will figure this thing out.

We are going to the lactation specialist today at 3:15. I hope she can answer some questions and help me get Adelaide to latch on and stay latched on. It seems that is the problem, she just gets impatient about getting her food. I had to self express and spoon feed her a few times. Breast feeding seems to be the hardest thing so far.

She loves movement, the awesome rocking chair dad got us, the bouncy yoga ball, and swaying back and forth.

*sigh*

I have to add, I didn't know I could love someone this much.

Baby Has Arrived

2011-07-28T14:00:00.002-05:00

here are some pics of Adelaide Amelia. The details will come later.

Is it time yet

2011-07-22T11:39:00.003-05:00

Can you say antsy... 38wks 1 day. I'm ready for baby to be here. My body is soar and warn out. I am so ready to have my body back. Not that I will have much of a body. How much will I have to lose? I feel like a gigantic person. Will I be able to fit the pants I haven't warn in 6 or more months?

I love you baby and am ready to see your face and have you kick me from the outside. Though your movement inside is always reassuring that you are doing alright, and I love you more that I ever thought possible, I am ready to kiss those feet that have been pushing against my ribs and my right side.

37 wk doc apt

2011-07-18T10:24:00.004-05:00

Yeah, I have dilated and am at 2cm. Hopefully this will get baby going and labor will start soon. I am so ready. I am going to wash the kitchen floor today, and maybe walk on the treadmill downstairs in our apt. There is no way I want to walk outside today though.

This whole week is supposed to be super hot. Welcome 90 degree weather. Yesterday was a 109 degree heat index. Today and the rest of the week aren't supposed to be much better. Our energy bill is going to be high this month, there is no way I want to go without AC. I am a big pregnant woman, come on. Earlier this summer was so beautiful and nice. The week in the 70s was fantastic.

what a day

2011-07-15T13:05:00.002-05:00

so yesterday. yeah. j/k, yesterday wasn't exactly that great. When I woke up and went into the computer/baby room my desk had water all over it. Coco had been locked in there and had spilled Jon's water from that morning on my keyboard and ruined it. Then, Coco was just a pain in the butt the rest of the day, as always. Anyone want a big black cat that demands too much attention? I'm sick of him.

Wednesday while driving to work the air conditioning went out on the way to work.

Back to yesterday, I am driving to work and am going across the bridge over the rail road tracks and the radio stops working, then the clock goes out, then the speedometer, and then the warning lights go out. Next the brakes and power steering go out. I am trying to slow down at a stoplight while trying to get a hold of Jon. I was leaving a message on his phone the entire time this is happening. He said I sounded a bit hysteric, but come on why wouldn't I, our can was going to the crapper and I am 37 weeks pregnant. Give me a break. That was it, I pulled over and texted him to call me asap. I'm pretty sure he thought I might be going into labor, which I am quite ready to get done with. Anyways, he got a friend from grad school to pick me up and drive me to work. Poor guy got to see a crazy pregnant woman.

Jon got his friend to pull the car to the shop and he got it fixed in time to pick me up from work last night when my shift was over.

Good grief. Life does really like to throw curve balls at us, and not always at the best time.

Oh and talk about being pregnant. Baby was having a party inside me last night. Baby was moving for at least 20min straight. Then, I don't know why but I could not get to sleep. I was so pooped and just wanted some shut eye. By the time I did fall asleep Jon's alarm is going off and he is making a ruckus with his cereal bowl, making coffee, and what not. Let's just say I am a bit sleepy right now.

Doc Apt

2011-07-11T09:43:00.002-05:00

I just had my 36 wk doctors appointment. 23 days until babies due date. Anyways, she said I am not dilated yet but babies head is pretty low. The pressure down there hurts and I hope I dilate soon and so baby can come. Baby is doing well though, as far as we know. Baby had a strong heart beat of 150 and has been moving around a lot the last two days.

PHD Pass

2011-07-05T20:43:00.002-05:00

The letter that we have been waiting to get about the Analysis Exam Jon took on June 18th. Baby and I are super proud! He now has the Algebra test to pass.

Dear Jon,

The Department of Mathematics is pleased to inform you that you have
earned the grade of Ph.D. Pass on the Analysis Examination, given in
June 2011. I encourage you to meet with Dr. Comez to discuss your
performance. Please keep this message for your records and let me know
if you have any questions.

Congratulations,

Sean Sather-Wagstaff, Assistant Professor
Graduate Program Director and Search Committee Chair
North Dakota State University, Mathematics

Fourth of July Fireworks

2011-07-05T11:44:00.002-05:00

The Fourth of July. I worked 9-5 yesterday. It seemed super long because it wasn't horribly busy at Fleet Farm. The service desk especially wasn't busy. The checkouts were off and on. After work Jon and I went out on a date; it had been a long time since we did that. Then, we went to over to Moorhead and grabbed a blizzard from the outdoor Dairy Queen there. As we were getting our blizzards the tornado sirens went off. We then got into the car and drove to MSUM where the fireworks were to be set off. Right as we were a couple blocks away the AM radio station we were listening told us that the fireworks were canceled due to the storm coming our way. So we went over there for nothing. Oh well.

We decided to rent a movie and go home. As we got home the rain started to come down and we quickly closed the windows and settled onto the mattress we have in the living room. We have a mattress in the living room due to super hot evenings and trying to stay cool with our living room air conditioning.

The fireworks may be done tonight. I will have Jon look it up and see.

oh baby

2011-06-27T14:34:00.006-05:00

Oh baby oh baby, can you you come soon and stop pushing down on my bladder and causing pain in the groin area... I love you so much and am ready for you to be on the outside of me instead of inside.

Baby is moving a lot. At work when I lean against the counter baby kicks and moves around. The most movement is on my left side where I think it's babies legs push out, fingers or something move down near my pelvic bone, and I'm guessing it is toes that like to push on my right rib cage. Baby has dropped, so that is a good sign and babies head is in place. No breach baby for me, thankfully.

The countdown is on. The weeks are down to one hand, yesterday was the the beginning of 35 weeks and today is now 33 days and some hours until babies due date. I am praying that baby will come a little bit early, especially if the weather is going to be as hot as it was yesterday. The temp was in the mid 90s with a high humidity so it must have felt hotter then 100 degrees.

Jon and I still don't have too much for baby. All we have is the side-sleeper that has been passed around the Totushek's and then the bassinet that Grandma Verna used for all her kids and then all of us grand-kids have used it also. My cousin Ben used it for his daughter Ella (which I love her name) and now Jon and I will use it for our baby.

Check out my website: www.carrietotushek.com
I photographed a wedding a few weeks ago and have updated some other things.

34 weeks

2011-06-23T12:08:00.002-05:00

Oh my goodness... I hope this baby comes a week or so early. I'm not sure if I can do it much longer then that. My feet are getting swollen (I got some special socks for that), they hurt, especially when I first get up in the morning, and I don't like not being able to do anything quickly. Bending over to pick things up or anything of the sort has become such a chore. Our apartment has become a mess, which I am working on today before I go into work at 3pm. Also, baby likes to push out on my left side and kick my right ribs. The rib thing is the weirdest thing. Along with that baby has been getting the hiccups every couple days. It makes me laugh to watch my stomach moving around because of baby.

Another thing that is happening around here is me preparing our bills and their payments so that we don't have a horrible money crunch during the month to six weeks that I am away from work.

We watched a birthing video in birthing class the other night and it was gross. That is going to hurt so bad! I am a bit afraid of giving birth, seriously how do we as women do this. Though the baby will be a bit misshaped and colored after coming out of my storage unit I am going to be so super excited and happy because that is our child. We will see if I tear up, I probably will.

59 days left

2011-06-05T21:01:00.003-05:00

There are 59 days left until babies due date. Hallelujah! I don't think I could last any longer then that. I am feeling gigantic and am not sure I would like to have to wait another 8.5 weeks until baby is born. I'm starting to get hot easier, my feet like to swell, and my wedding ring is now worn around my neck (took it off before any problems could arise).

Work has me standing 5-8 hours a day so that is the main reason my feet get water weight and my shoes then don't fit right. I should get those hospital socks that help keep the water and blood buildup out of my feet but I am worried if I do that then I will be super over heated. Could baby come a few weeks early? how about the third week of July? I'm feeling like a huge beast, it can only get worse. Also, feeling unattractive.

I have been working on our finances quite a bit lately. I am trying to get it so we can make it by without too much fret while I am not working for a month or so after baby is born (donations welcome... j/k). I am a worry wort when it comes to finance. I like that I am in control, it makes me feel better to know exactly what is happening. We have been pinching pennies quite a bit lately, not that we didn't before. Our debt is going down bit by bit (that doesn't really include school debt, that will be around for a while). Is it obsessive that I check our accounts almost daily? My excuse is that when you have less than $50 in your account most of the time, you have to make sure you wont get over-drafted because that would cost money in itself. Some day we wont be living paycheck to paycheck. We will also have a washer and dryer, and a car that its doors don't freeze shut in the winter.

Ok, our apartment is too hot tonight. I am not going to turn on the A/C though, I will not get used to that, I can't do that... we will keep our energy bill down. We can do this...

it's coming out

2011-05-07T17:15:00.001-05:00

Oh my goodness, the mommy in me is coming out. I just made Jon take his water bottle out with him while he plays folf to stay hydrated. This is going to have to stop now!

27wks

2011-05-05T22:42:00.002-05:00

Oh my goodness, I am at 27wks. Wasn't it just yesterday that we found out I was pregnant. Well, I'm not quite sure everything has soaked in yet. Baby kicking around inside me and not being able to get comfortable because of a big belly does help me realize that yes, this is truly going to happen. For the time being though I am enjoying being just a wife. Okay, I haven't really had too much bonding time with Jon because he is in dead week this week and has take home finals due next week. Thankfully, his schedule is much less next fall which will be fantastic with a new baby and all the changes taking place in our lives.

Alright, here is a question, anyone know any ways to save good money on everyday things? We already buy a lot of no name brand items from toilet paper to noodles. Those coupon websites seem to sell your email address and I don't like that. I do want to save money. We have been watching our budget even more lately (not that we haven't previously). Now that I am not on the road that will take some expenses out.

Well, I guess. Here goes another day.

99 days

2011-04-26T12:09:00.002-05:00

99 days until baby's due date. Whoop whoop, I'm getting to the third trimester and it's going to be tough, I can feel it already.

So, lots of things happening. I am trying to find a job, I had an interview for a manager position at JC Penny Portrait Studio. I also had one for a cashier position at Fleet Farm. If I were to work at JC Penny, I couldn't start my own business. If I were to do the cashier position for 20 or so hours a week and then get my business started. What would work best with baby is very important to me but so is financial security for our family. Prayer please, it would be greatly appreciated.

Talking about my business, check out my updated website. I photographed my sister's engagement photos and then did some senior portraits. There is a link on the left side of my blog.

mom's daughter slide show

2011-03-21T13:56:00.005-05:00

mom made this for us girls a while ago, check it out by clicking on my post title

20 wk ultrasound

2011-03-21T13:36:00.005-05:00

Today was the day! At 10 o'clock Jon and I went in and got our 20 week ultrasound. Everything went well. We are keeping the babies sex a surprise. Baby looks healthy and is a little wiggle worm, with it's heartbeat at 140. It was exciting to see our baby! We got some 3D ultrasound images also, they just seem so weird. In the 2D ultrasound we saw baby stick out it's tongue. Must be a happy baby, baby is moving around as I write this. Hopefully this wont mean that I wont be able to sleep during the last month of pregnancy because baby is moving around so much. I guess we shall see.

Baby was sucking on it's arm. I'm going to take that as a good sign, hopefully breastfeeding will be easy... hopefully.

Baby had it's feet up by its head, must be flexible. It is just so awesome to see babie's little feet and toes.

vacuum

2011-02-27T15:09:00.002-06:00

I always liked that vacuum has to Us, it just makes it fun looking. So yesterday I was vacuuming and cleaning our apartment because Jon's parents were coming to town for his birthday (on the 28th). The vacuum just wasn't sucking things up right and has been through a lot, and has taken in a lot of hair, especially cat hair! So Jon and I went and invested in a new vacuum for the first time. You may say, lame... But, I totally disagree, it works so great and I totally want to re-vacuum and clean up anything I can get my hands on. Though, the re-vacuuming isn't needed because it sucked it all up the first time. I now feel like a total adult. Wow, I totally am...

Babies heart beat

2011-02-14T14:34:00.002-06:00

Today was our 16 week appointment. We got in and out really quick. Jon and I heard the babies heart beat, it was 151bpm! It is good to know the baby is still in there growing and doing well. At wk 20 we go in and get our more in depth ultrasound. I can't wait for that. The baby should be bigger and kicking and showing off to us. Knowing that there is life inside of me and that it is part of me, has my genes and Jon's in it is totally crazy to think about. I love it! I'm getting excited and want to start looking at stuff for the baby, it is probably best if I don't do that yet.

Jon and I are on a mission to pay off our Yamaha bill, the moped that was stolen. Also, to get our credit cards down. Other then that we are doing pretty well, especially compared to others. I should be thanking God every day for my blessings in life, or the blessing of even having life. That is tough though :)

173 days to go...

2011-02-11T10:39:00.005-06:00

can it warm up outside? I would be super duper excited if even it stayed at 30 degrees or so. It has been negative and lower for too long now, especially with the -20 to -30 some degrees wind chill. Talk about cold. A bit of green grass and flowers, the smell of fresh air from the open windows and patio would be fantastic! To be soaking up the sun with my baby belly...

So it is now 173 days until babies due date. Whoop whoop. The baby is making it so I can't suck in my fat anymore, it is now pushing it out and making me look big. We are now 15 weeks along, almost half way :) On Monday, Valentines day, we are going in to hear babies heart beat. I am super excited. I'm getting that mom thing happening and want to know everything is alright. Also, I hope to start feeling baby moving soon, I think I might have felt baby move, but I'm not for sure. When the time does come I will be excited.

Jon has been super duper busy. It's kind of annoying, he is just always doing something and when we do finally just get to chatting he has to get back to his homework. Dumb... He has had two assignments due every week for the past couple weeks. He has been staying late at school and then coming home and working on it until at least midnight.

tangerine

2011-01-29T15:02:00.002-06:00

talk about too much.

Erin and Aaron are now engaged. The wedding date is May 22 this year. I am going to be almost 30 weeks pregnant. In other words, I'm going to be a big fat girl in the wedding. She is having me be the maid of honor which is cool, whatever, I just don't know, I'm ganna look so ugly!

I talked to dad today, he said that g-ma Anderson has a bassinet that has been passed down and all of us kids and dad and his siblings have used. I like that, I love traditions and family items. So I am excited to see that.

On a bad note (besides me being a big fat prego girl in a tangerine colored dress at Erin's wedding) Dad told me that Joe and Rachael's friend Eric M. died of a drug overdose yesterday. He was a good friend of theirs. It makes me wonder what went through their head, if they are glad they are living with mom and dad and getting things together. This could be called a wake up call, super sad though.

11wks 4days

2011-01-17T16:55:00.004-06:00

Today was our first doctors appointment. The nurse answered our questions, thankfully (heartburn and constipation stink!). Then, later, we had our first ultrasound.

The ultrasound was reassuring to know the baby is doing well with a strong heartbeat and kicking up a storm. Lots of emotions went through me as I looked at the ultrasound screen. It is just super crazy to know that I have a baby growing inside me. Some time here I will have my, oh my goodness, cry. I keep looking at the images and thinking how crazy reproduction is and having a baby growing inside of me.

Jon says that I am not alone anymore... I guess not for the next seven or so months.

To add to other things, Jon went with me to get the ultrasound. I am super glad that he did. But it was funny because I had to have a pap smear also and to do the ultrasound they did the up the vagina way... to say the least, he was wondering at first why they had a box of condoms on the cart with the machine. He soon found out. He also saw that huge metal thing they shove into us women to make sure we are doing fine down there. Men, some day they will understand what it is like, well, sort of. They do have to have other things done to them when they are older.

talk about... cont...

2011-01-13T21:38:00.002-06:00

talk about sad, I was excited today when I had my third day in a row with a bowel movement. It has been months since that has happened. Research says it probably has to do with the prenatal vitamins with all the iron and stuff. I think that the eating pears and exercising every day really helps. Physical exercise that is, I do mental exercise every day and that's a fact.

That's about as interesting as I get these days. I start back up with the spring season and Lifetouch tomorrow; not horribly excited about that. Money is money though. Hopefully that job will be able to get us through. My school loan bills finally made it to me, sadly. I about had a breakdown when I looked at how much we have to pay each month. We are going to have to apply for the low income payback status. We also got a bill from the Doctors and it is around three hundred dollars. All those expenses together are more than one of our pay checks and that isn't even all of our bills. We are going to have a serious re-look at our spending and make sure that none of it goes to waste, not that much does now anyways. It is time to tighten the belt one more notch, ok 5 (not physically, I am slowly enlarging with that baby that we made, it just seems to keep growing, silly huh). That's that.

I have taken a deep breath, time to unwind, not think about all the things we have to do. Lovems, bye

talk about...

2011-01-12T21:16:00.002-06:00

talk about ready for a new season. I am soooo ready. Here in Fargo, ND we have already received over 50 inches of snow. That is way beyond normal. Talk about flooding! I don't want to have to deal with that, not fun. The upside of lots of snow and super cold temps (it's not supposed to be above 0 for a few days now) is that today the snowflakes were huge and fluffy. They were so big and gorgeous, you could see with the naked eye a lot of detail in those cold creations.

Babywise, we are coming up on 11 weeks. Next Monday is our ultrasound. I am getting excited and so is Jon. It will be nice to know that squirt (as mom has referred to the baby as) is doing well. I have been feeling this weird stretch or something from my groin up to my waist on the left side. I wish I could feel the baby moving, I want to know that squirt is growing and enjoying my warmth as I try to stay warm in this crazy Fargo land. Yep yep *sigh* thankfully I have a cat on either end of my body keeping me warm and cozy. They have been brats though lately, especially coco. He has been driving me nuts!!! Though, he is quite useful when it comes to body heat in the winter, not so much in the hot, humid summers though. Those summer days will be coming and I will be big and jolly with child, haha.

oh dear

2011-01-03T20:52:00.002-06:00

I just feel so overwhelmed. Can I just cry for a bit, maybe it will make me feel better.

What should I do about jobs? Can we make it if I don't go back with Lifetouch for as many hours as before? How would I deal with the YMCA job? GOOD GRIEF!!! I hate having two jobs, especially one that isn't consistent and the other that pays me squat. Talk about sucky. Again, can I just cry a bit now.

Also, I want the ultrasound to be here already. I would like to know that this being growing inside of me causing me random pains and nausea has a heart beat and is doing well.

hello moring sickness; 9 weeks

2010-12-31T11:36:00.002-06:00

ok, I have morning sickness. More like all day sickness. I'm trying not to complain, though the long holiday car rides have been horrible. I have to eat every few hours otherwise I feel nauseous and too much food at once does the same. Hello toast, welcome ginger ale. My pants are getting a bit tighter each week. I'm still a bit worried about everything and how we are going to make things work once baby comes, but I suppose we can do it. I think that I will be more excited once we go in for the ultrasound and we see baby. Only three more weeks until we go in for that.

Also, tomorrow is our four year anniversary. Exciting!! It's weird to think that Jon has been able to put up with me for that long. I still love him just as much as before, but in other ways now. It isn't that warm fuzzy feeling inside like when dating. It is the knowing that I have him to rely on and to that no matter what he will be there for me.

Right now we are at the lake house with almost all of the Totushek clan. We are just missing Mary and her family. Either way, I am on a bit of overload of the inlaws, no offense if you are my inlaws and read this, I get overload of my family too. A few of Dan's siblings are coming to the house later today. Oh my goodness... I'm not sure if I want them to know that I am pregnant either. I really, really, really dont want to hear all their stories and suggestions. Just let Jon and me figure things out on our own. Good grief. I suppose the only thing I want is some of the hammie downs, that way we can save some money.

morning sickness

2010-12-12T18:46:00.002-06:00

and it has begun. Jon and I were pulling into a Chinese food restaurant and my mouth started watering I could feel it coming. Jon kept talking to me and I'm like whatever, where should I puke? He told me to go around to the back of the building. I didn't make it. I made it to the side of the building and threw up. Then I knew I had to throw up again. This time I made it to the back of the building and threw up again. It froze immediately, I am sure of it since it is only -2 degrees out. Yep that was pretty much my entire day in that little story. Nice day hanging out and cuddling with Jon and feeling nauseous. Just a great day.

worried

2010-12-07T20:57:00.002-06:00

Alright, I'm worried. Is it okay to feel worried during pregnancy? I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I had spotting this morning, I freaked out. I prayed and cried a bit (the overload of hormones doesn't help). I called the nurses and she said it may be alright, spotting isn't always bad because a pregnant woman's body creates so much blood down there that it is easier to burst something or if moved wrong. I hope everything is alright. The baby may have been a total surprise but I have soaked in the idea a bit more and am getting excited. And either way, the baby is part of Jon and me growing inside of me.

Along with the spot this morning I have had some cramping. It isn't too bad, but with having the blood it kinda freaks me out. Mom said that she had spotting with her miscarriage and with Erin.

It's only 9 o'clock and I think I am going to go to bed. I am just tired, emotional, and want to not think about all this.

Oh and to add to this, Jon is freaking out about everything. Worrying about how we are going to be financially ok after the baby comes. I cant even think that far ahead. He is super stressed out being that it is dead week and he has two assignments due on Friday and then gets his take home finals next week. He just needs to breath. It isn't helping me any that he is freaking out.

Can you promise everything will be alright God?

suprise!

2010-12-05T20:03:00.004-06:00

so here it is, Jon and I are starting the next step of our lives. Crazy to think about. I am pregnant. hmmm... that looks funny, especially with I before that. We found out a little more than a week ago. The doctors guess that I am in my 5th week making the babies due date August 4th.

Some thoughts I need to get out. . . So we weren't exactly trying to get pregnant but weren't not trying I suppose. We had started to talk about having kids, more like a kid earlier this summer. I had started to get into that time in life where I was thinking more about it and had started to get that wanting to care for something besides our two kitties. Though, those two kitties are a handful at times. Little trouble makers.

Anyways, I was a day or so late on my period and hadn't thought much of it. I had been a few days late the month before because of stress overload with work and life in general. I had taken a pregnancy test last month just in case that was why it was late. Only one pink line showed up on the test and a day or so later the cramps and blood came on strong.
Anyways, on that Monday I decided that why not take a pregnancy test again this month, just for the heck of it. I had told Jon earlier that week that I must be getting my period because my boobs were super soar. I followed the directions, laid the test on the instructions on the counter and finished using the restroom. As I reached over for some toilet paper a second pink line was coming into sight. Oh my gosh! Not now, not today, not me I thought! Heck, what is Jon going to say. He has said before when we talked about having kids that he wanted to wait until he was almost done with grad school. My heart raced, I had to tell him, but, but, ummm... I flushed the toilet, washed my hands slowly and stared down at that pregnancy test. I am pregnant.

I walked into the kitchen where he was making tacos, looked at my feet, Jon asked whats up. I told him to follow me. He followed me back to the bathroom, I pointed toward the pregnancy test. He just looked at me. And that was that. I took the other test that came in the box the next day, just in case. It was positive also.
We started doing our research. Jenny was the first one I told, I had to tell someone. And then we called both of our parents. Both my parents and my in-laws were surprised. I think my parents were a bit out of there element when we told them. My brother and his girlfriend are living with them, my sister keeps talking about getting married and her boyfriend hasn't asked yet (kind of wondering if he ever will), and now I am pregnant.
My in-laws on the other hand have 3 grandkids already. My father in-law sounded super excited, as he was with all 3 of the others, he has a thing with kids.

Here is what goes through my head, my aprox. due date is Aug. 4th. My sister wants to get married during August, okay! My brother in law and his fiance are (as far as I know) going to get married this summer. So that is that.

A little more to share, I have been super tired in the evening, feeling a bit nauseous now that I am over half way through week 5, I also get some headaches in the evenings. No food has really tasted super good, I have been drinking tons of water and now have to pee all the time it seems. Scooter hasn't been as cuddly with me the last couple of weeks, he has been going to Jon (that isn't normal). I read that cats can smell it on you and some cats dont go to you as much and other are super nurturing, kind of like how horses love pregnant women. Crazy.

Is my post getting long enough, cause I still have more to say!

We are going to tell our brothers and sisters at our Christmas get together. Any good ideas for sharing with the fam.? We have told Jon's sister, Mary, already though because she was able to answer some of my questions because she has 3 kids already, oldest 5 and youngest 1 year. She and her husband also wont be at Christmas up here in MN this year. Mary and my mother have answered some questions and had some suggestions. I am quite thankful to have that.

another day in FARGO!

2010-09-12T20:18:00.002-05:00

what the heck am I doing? I read this book once that had journals from girls that had graduated college or were in their next stage of life. Some moved to places that they didn't know anyone. I feel just like they had described. Oh God, I need a friend. Jenny, I miss you, you spoiled me while being my roommate. I could talk to you at anytime. God blessed me with her when I had prayed for a friend. I think it is time for another one. Or else more calls to the one I have.

In every part of my life I feel disconnected, ok, not as much with Jon, but everywhere else. God I need you, hold my hand and be with me all the time. Your peace within me is needed.

We went to church this evening to meet some new people. Jon and I will be trying to get into a small group. I need a christian group of friends. My coworkers are just not what I need. My boss, Mandi, had mentioned that one of my coworkers is a virgin and made it sound like a horrible thing. Also, my other boss, Brian, makes it sound bad to be married at my age. What is wrong with loving someone? What is wrong with committing myself to one man and sticking to it? Even if I am 24 (ok, I will be in two days). Marriage has been one of the best things in my life. I have been so blessed to have a partner as committed, loving, and supportive as Jon. God, I feel stifled in my life right now.

Migraines

2010-07-26T19:13:00.002-05:00

I hate migraines!!! I just want to cry they suck so much. With a high of 90 and a humidity of over 50% the headache starts a coming. Every time I blink while moving my eyes, or move them in a particular way, I feel a shot down the nerves in my arms to the tip of my finger tips. I think to myself, "does this have to do with the brain invasion of '02? If that wouldn't have happened would I still be dealing with this?" and, "Can't these drugs work faster and better?"

Well, besides my little release of steam there, I keep meaning to post something. I would have liked to be better at journaling all of my thoughts and life.

I think I am going to close my eyes and wish that I could fall asleep and skip this.

we moved

2009-07-24T17:40:00.002-05:00

it has been raining here in denver quite a bit. every time it rains we have get a puddle in our northwest corner of the living room. every time this happens we have to call maintenance and get the guys to clean the carpet. by the third time around, having to stay up late and be very tired for work and school, we asked for a change. the smell of the corner is horrendously icky, like a bad guys locker room. they ended up giving us a second floor apt for the same amount of money each month. this is awesome! we now have a brighter nicer apartment with a deck that the cats love. (we think the smell was getting to the cats, they have been much nicer since the move) so that is what is up with the three of us roommates lately.
jon is leaving for grad school on the 12th of august.

stressing

2009-05-27T17:03:00.002-05:00

I am a stressing a lot.... life sucks sometimes but yet is good at the same time. So Jon, Jenny (my good friend from BHSU), and I are moving tomorrow. My car is packed, I have my bosses okay on using the plumber van on Friday night to move the big stuff, and we are on our way to the other side of Denver. So, moving is taking my time.
Second, I am on week 8 of an 11 week quarter. Things are coming to an end and I have a lot to do!!! Time is of rarity. The weekend of the sixth Jon and I are going back to Minnesota for my sisters graduation party, which couldn't be at a worse time for me. It is the weekend before my dead week. The following weekend, the one before finals week, Jon and I are flying out to Connecticut for my mother in laws induction to the new church she is becoming a pastor for. Money is low, credit cards are high, rent is due tomorrow, the day we move in...
I can't wait until summer break! I will have no idea what to do with my time. Oh, but hey, my job is pretty much done except a few hours here and there. We don't get back on the bandwagon until mid-August. Soooo, job hunting for Jenny and me. Woohoo.
I need some alone time. My head is spinning, my world is like a those yellow change things that used to be at the MN zoo. you put in your penny or nickle and watch in go in circles, getting faster and faster until it goes down the little funnel at the bottom.
Life is life! It just needs to slow down a bit.

Update:

2009-04-17T09:21:00.003-05:00

These are some photos from last quarter:

Thankfully Jon's car wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. It ended up to need a mighty tune up and fixing of a leak from the coolant. The amount was $586 which was much better than predicted, like I said. So we aren't as bad off.

We had burgers last night. The meat tasted sooo good! It had been a while. Pay day = grocery shopping wohoo

long time, rough times

2009-04-14T12:54:00.002-05:00

it has been a while since I have posted. Lots of things happening here. Jon is graduating from Regis University in less than a month. His car is now not running as of yesterday. I borrowed my work van and towed his car to the shop. The shop called us this morning saying that they don't fix German cars. So now what? We are either going to push it across the street to Meineke or else tow it to a place that the first shop told us fixes German cars. I guess, who do we rely more? I don't even know.

Because of the car troubles, Jon drove me to school today at 7:00am. My class doesn't start until 12:30 and then he will pick me up after he is done tutoring at Arupe (a high school affiliated with Regis). I got some homework done this morning, that is always a good thing. I am quite tired now though.

Do you like Ramon and Mac n' Cheese, cause that is pretty much all that is in our cupboards with the exceptions of tortillas, cheese, bread, water, milk, and jelly.

We are looking at new apartments closer to my school so I don't have to pay $5 a day for parking. Jon is going away to grad school in Fargo, ND next year and I have talked to Jenny and she is cool with moving down here if everything goes all well. So we would split rent making it less than Jon and I are paying now. It's just the trouble of getting the down payment/deposit. Along with fixing Jon's car, paying our bills, getting the money to drive back to MN for Erin's graduation, and so on.... It goes on and on. Can you tell I am stressed! Add to that, that my job will be ending in a month or so for the summer season. Money, money, money!

photo design

2009-02-10T14:02:00.002-06:00

2009-02-06T12:11:00.000-06:00

some Pics 2

2009-01-22T17:40:00.005-06:00

there are just some of my pics from last quarter of school. a few are from my first project this quarter. school is being good to me. I think i am sort of figuring out what i want to do. i dont know if journalism is the thing for me anymore because what i want in journalism is not really there anymore because of the internet and so on. i might decide to do advertising with my still lives and studio shots. for right now, i am just enjoying doing what i want in the studio shooting antique stuff. i have always had a thing for old random stuff and thinking of what it was like when they weren't old. i love antiques and old stuff....

Some Pics

2009-01-22T17:39:00.002-06:00

my nieces pics

2008-10-28T14:51:00.007-05:00

Here are some pics of my nieces that I took last night for my portraiture class and for my sister in law. It was fun.

denied health insurance

2008-08-06T10:40:00.001-05:00

i have now been denied health insurance because of my brain tumor six years ago...

how bad is the system?

in class

2008-08-04T15:30:00.003-05:00

here are a few of my latest images, the first is the gradient assignment for advanced lighting, and the last is the shiny object. the middle image is the one i created in class for an in class assignment. we were given 6 images and had to put them all together within an hour and a half. so that is what i got out of it.

so not much is up lately, i quit target because it was the worst job i have ever had. my last day in next saturday. school, the quarter is already over 1/3 of the way done. how crazy is that. i think its going pretty well. it could be because i dont feel as stressed out this quarter, which is awesome! jon and i are doing well with our relationship. we have been watching tons of movies. we watched malcolm x the other day, it is about 3 hours long and took us three nights to finish because we are like old people and stop the movie halfway through and finish it the next night. the other day jon and i went hiking, it was awesome. we finally got a hicking book with lots of trails in it. we are planning on going camping sometime here.
its been way too hot out here, it was 103 the other day. and we have broken a record here in denver. the record was in 1901 with 19 days of over 90 degrees in a row we are now around 23 days i believe. its no fun... jon and i have camped out in our living room where the air conditioner is the last two nights. way too hot for us. thats it all i have to say today, sorry it took me so long to update

scooter updates...

2008-07-10T18:51:00.002-05:00

oh, the little scoot and the big coco bean

scooter is doing pretty good, its coco who is crazy. scooter is like that annoying little sibling to coco. scoot likes to chase coco and play lots and lots, coco has long forgotten how to be a little kitten. coco licks scooter here and there, then bites him...i dont really know how bad of a bite, but scoot seems to know coco will get in trouble if he squeaks. its all good though

Another day of finals

2008-06-09T13:25:00.005-05:00

I think it's pretty much official I want to be a photojournalist. Maybe I will go to college another couple years and do journalism as a minor. All I would have to take is another couple english/journalism credits. Tell me what you think about my pj story...

lots of stuff happening for me so it seems.

Joe in Denver

2008-05-31T17:46:00.009-05:00

Joe was in Denver this last week. He, Rachel, and Ricky drove out last Sunday. We went to Red Rocks, drove in the Mountains, went up Pikes Peak, and had they did some other stuff while I was in school and Jon was at work. I really enjoyed having Joe here. I was thinking about it and this week was the longest amount of time him and I have been together since he was kicked out of my parents house. I had forgotten how much I missed him. I love having a big brother! This morning was when the three of them drove away. They got up around 7am and Joe made a stink in the bathroom before I took my shower (some things never change.. okay so I couldn't smell it). As I was leaving for work they were headed up to 72nd and Federal and then they were on their way out of Colorado. I drove off on my moped with my pink helmet and wished I could give him another hug. A few tears came out of my eyes and then blew off my face by the wind as I drove down Lowel. It's kind of weird how years don't always change your feelings for the people you love.
Also, big news, the long awaited proposal happened at the top of Pike's Peak! the pictures above show Rachel and Joe hugging and she was crying she was so happy, it was very cute and the ring is gorgeous!
Funny, Joe had gotten quite the sweet tooth since I have hung out with him last. Make him anything sweet, and he will love you lots. hahah

moped and credit cards

2008-05-20T10:09:00.006-05:00

The moped was a smart decision, we have already saved lots of money on gas and my school parking. sweet-hola

Jon and I got a moped!! I have totally wanted one for forever.

news on the mile high front

2008-05-02T12:08:00.001-05:00

so the other day i posted about the crazy upstairs guy. well jon finally talked to our landlord howard about it and he said that the police had handcuffed him to a chair in his appartment when the went up to talk to him. also, the best news, the dude is moving out in a month or so!!! hopefully the person taking his place is a quiet person.

snowy spring day here in denver

2008-05-01T11:36:00.002-05:00

yesterday was 80 some degrees out, today, snowing and i'm working in the mountains. crazy...

hey did i share on my blog how i had gotten stuck in the mountains for a night because of the snow! the Eisenhower tunnel had become closed and i had to stay in Frisco, CO for the night.

whatever

2008-04-29T09:50:00.002-05:00

so i havent written in a very long time. every time i think about posting a blog, the internet doesnt work. so stories i have. the other night the guy upstairs was really really loud from 10:00 to when i woke up around 2:30 in the morning. i woke up jon, he went up to the guy and asked him to turn down his music. the guy yelled at him and then came downstairs and banged on our door yelling at us, saying "come out and i we can fight..." or something like that. jon said it was the last call and we called the police. the police came and talked to him and he was pissed! after the police left he banged on the floor (our ceiling) and said i am going to F'n kill him. jon and i were very scared and we only got about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. it sucked, hopefully he will move when the school year is over.

other than that i got another job, i am working at target developing film. two jobs, and full time school, sucks. i'm ready for summer break now, but i have 6 weeks left until i have summer break (which is only 4 weeks!).

jon is in his week of finals. he is all excited for his summer break, it suck to watch him getting done and me having to wait.

anyways, i have been thinking about what type of photography i would like to do and i am still thinking documentary or journalism would fit me best. ever since i was a pre-teen i have liked documentary type photos and documentary movies and so on. also this means i dont have to fool around on the computer correcting and putting pictures together and more of the fine art photography things to do.

alright, time to do my stuff in class.

prairie dogs

2008-03-25T22:08:00.002-05:00

i have now lived in two states with prairie dogs in them. they are funny. today i was taking boys baseball pics for some high school up in longmont, CO and behind the kid was a prairie dog. i laughed and then said "i'm from minnesota, prairie dogs are still funny to me."

other odds. got my grades today, the western civ class i was all worried about i got a C+ in. my overall GPA has dropped, but next quarter i should get it back up again. i am standing on a 3.4 GPA. i'm still proud of myself.

jon had an appointment with DU (Denver University), its a private college down I25 from us. he had a lot to ask the guy he spoke with this morning. its prety exciting to hear that he is prety much a shoe in for grad school because of his grades. the only worry is financial aid; whether or not he will get a TA position. Jon has an appointment up in Fort Collins at CSU. I'm ganna go with him up there since i have the day off. his parents might also go, they will be in town for the weekend. thats it, i'm done...

color management

2008-03-19T08:37:00.005-05:00

A couple more pics for class. the first one is my final for color management, the other one is the last project.

here we are, sitting in the computer lab waiting for the teacher... where is he, i wan to take my final RIGHT NOW! haha (j/k). it will feel good to have it done though. after my history test this afternoon, all i have left is my color management final.

my to do list for the day

2008-03-18T20:44:00.004-05:00

here is the final pic for lighting class

wake up
go to school
drop my picture files
take LF/Lighting final
critique photos
check financial aid process
try and print color management pics
study for west. civ./Dig. Im. finals
put on my spare tire
get my tire patched
get Jon's fin. aid info verified
study for finals...
do the laundry
fold the laundry
study, study, study...
go to Chelsie's goodbye party
sleep

start all over again

+New Post (my final images)

2008-03-12T08:52:00.007-05:00

Some of my final project images:

Digital Image

Large Format

randomness: so i think i broke my toe. it hurts like when i broke my foot (left foot too). i've woken up and my toes are sore and then when i push the bone it hurts bad and so on. not going to go into the doc though. its just a toe. other odds: i talked to my dad the other day and he asked how i'm doing, if i've been sick, told him i'm doing well then within the next day or so i was sick. so now im sitting in class really tired and feelin sick. hopefully that will leave before finals week.

dead week

2008-03-11T19:34:00.002-05:00

yesterday was the beginning of dead week for me. dead week = the crazy busy week before finals. i am in the quarter system so i have this week and next week left for this quarter. i then have one week of and go back to school 3 weeks from now. spring break is much needed, though, i will probably be working every day of my break so that jon and i can catch up on our credit card bills. we are still trying to pay it all off after me not working much over christmas break, the car insurance bill, my car being fixed, and all the other odds and ends that need to be met. we are getting there though. only a couple hundred left on our couches and it feels good to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel there.

for dead week, jon and i went to AiC last night and took pictures and developed my reshoots/remakes until around 11:45 and then we headed home and went straight to bed. i got the grades back for those and i have gotten a 4 on all but 1 remake (in other words, an A). Jon has been a great encouragement and helping my worn out mind with ideas. i was going to put up some of the pics today but i brought the wrong cable over to the library, sorry. i will have to do that tomorrow. today was crazy too, i worked in the dark room all morning and then in the afternoon i took my final project photos with the digital leaf back for the 4x5 camera. i have one more final shoot for that class which will have to get done on sunday. no clue what i want to do for that. studying for my history test next week would be a smart thing to do. i am not doing well in that class at all, we cant aford for me to retake that class ($1500 for just one class) all right, im tired. im going to try and get some of my final pics up tomorrow during my digital illustration class. oofta (as they say in minnesota). oofta again, its the only way of getting that out.

lighting, and other photos

2008-03-05T11:56:00.004-06:00

here are a couple pics. the first one is the karsh assignment that chelsie took of me. look up the name karsh and you will find a guy that did this style of hot light photos. the second photo is the lead singer from the band hearts of palm. jon and i went to their show on saturday night. it was a free e.p. release show at illegal petes downtown on 16th street. it was awesome. they are one of the best bands i've heard in a long time. enjoy

jon's first gray hair

2008-02-24T18:22:00.002-06:00

as him and i were in our living room of the one bedroom appartment that we live in, he was sitting on the love seat near the window. i glanced over at him and saw a shiny hair sticking out from an inch or so behind his ear. i hastily went over to him, said, "hang tight" and pulled the measly gray hair out of his head. yes, that is the first one and he is only 21. his thought was that since his hair would be gray it is better than going bald. in other words, he means he is going to be silver headed pretty soon like his father was at his age. i suppose full gray head of hair is better than a spot on top that can get sun burned :)

a day of class

2008-02-21T09:10:00.004-06:00

sitting in class... zzzzzzzzz... that should explain everything. the class is color management, the learning is lecture, my interest is low. how would you like to sit in a class all about how to work with color in photographs. it is a good class, a base class that is needed, but i look through the tiny holes in the shades and long to go outside into the nice day.

besides class, i have to work at 2:30. the job shouldn't take long, which isn't good because i would like a bigger pay check. oh well. the job is just a re-shoot of a basketball team.

before i go to work Jon and i are dropping the Mazda off at shop to get an estimate. we went to another car repair shop yesterday, he looked at it and said that he could make it about half the price midas had said. he also pointed out i need a new muffler because the pipe or something has rusted and broke while i went over a bump and now my muffler is just hanging there. anyways, that gave Jon and me a bit more hope! so i suppose if it is half the cost we thought it would be for that (we don't know how much the bad oil leek with be) then we are better off than we thought and we are actually doing ok with our money.

we did our FAFSAs yesterday. one question is how much money do you have. we have $100 to our name. hopefully that helps us get better aid for next years college. oh and i go to write junior because i will be only a couple credits away from being a junion. i am a senior for sure. i probably have over 100 credits in my name. i suppose for my third year of school that is pretty normal. with my credits that transfer and the classes i have taken, i have one full year done at AiC. i just want to be done! is there any way i can get it done any faster? please? ok so there isn't any way to get around the next two years at school. I'm counting down the months!

in these pics, the clock is in the exact same position, how i set up the 4x5 camera is how i distorted the shape. and actually the clock was at an angle on the table. hmmm... camera tricks. love it!

large format

2008-02-19T19:09:00.002-06:00

another day has passed, and i dont have much to show for it. not, i totally felt like i had accomplished something in class today. i turned in both assignments do, like i have done every other time, i got both the assignments for next week done also, and i started my fafsa which i will hopefully finish soon. i suppose there are a few other things that i have accomplished, but i cant really remember what they are at this moment. oh, i got my mid-term grades this week and last. i am getting an A or high B in all classes except history which we have had only one test to put in the grade book anyways.

i am so bored, i am sitting in the computer lab on jon's campus writing in my blog because i have nothing else to do (besides a little bit of homework, which isnt due at the beginning of class). jon is at work, which is a good thing for the wallet, but i am tired of being home alone with coco. i suppose, when he is home we dont get any studying done anyways, but whatever. i need a friend, besides jenny, that i can call or hang out with. i'm tired of this boringness.

so here i am sitting in the computer lab of a school i dont even go to typing nonsense onto my blog. which by the way i have had for four years now. how crazy is that. and the beat goes on. . .

oh, some day soon i will show a few more of the crazy pics i have taken with the 4x5 camera. pretty sweet tool we are working with.

my joke for the day

2008-02-17T23:26:00.002-06:00

so today was a bit better than the last few days. its prety exciting that a couple hours ago my parents got noah, finally. i hope and pray everything is going well, for the whole situation and all. that would totally suck to be noah and have everything in your life totally change. i think it would be harder to be noah than it would be to be mya. cause mya has no memory of when she was in china but noah will.

anyways, i talked to joe today. i love having a brother. it was really encouraging to talk to him. it didnt really help to solve the whole car problem but he did tell me some other things we could do to the car to half way fix it. like use a soup can as part of the exhaust pipe. kinda crazy sounding but all i want is the car to last another couple years until i am finished with my undergrad/bachelors degree. he also told me it could be way worse and told me a couple stories that made me feel better. like his friend had to put anti-freeze in his van every day. so if i have to check my oil once a week i suppose that isnt horrible. his life doesnt sound to be going that great either. he said he is just taking it one day at a time and life is better that way. its nice to have a sibling that is in the same boat as me and jon. its encouraging to know that we are not alone in struggling. He said if him and rachael can get a couple hundred bucks together they still want to come out to colorado this spring or summer. that would be great! i miss him and rachael.

on to my next subject...

my joke for the day:

What do you call a sleep-walking nun?

-------A roamin' Catholic

car crazy!

2008-02-16T21:41:00.002-06:00

oh what a wonderful day... nope sorry, thats not how it went. well, i suppose it started that way. early in the morning while i laid in bed asleep, i woke up to jon hugging me and cuddling. it makes me happy to wake up to the love of my life laying next to me. he whispered to me that he loves me and we kissed. i love him.

him and i ended up sleeping in until 10:30. that is latest we have slept in since, well, a long time ago. it felt great to sleep in. after we got out of bed we got ready for the day and went to midas to get our oils changed. ps, my cars oil light went on this last friday. so when the midas guy gave me back my keys he said that my car has a bad oil leak. i wanted to fall down right there where i was standing and just cry. along with the oil leak we learned about today, my exhaust pipe is pretty much not there anymore and almost all of the exhaust system has to be replaced. this will cost estimatedly over $1500. so what is the thought, my car has almost 193,000 miles on it, is a '95 and is not worth much more than the fix itself. what should we do? buy a new car that we have no money for (trade in), just plane fix it, or let it sit in the parking lot and buy my dream moped which will cost around the same as is to fix the car. jon and i are lost. we called his parents, they were a so so help. i cant call my parents they are half way across the world getting my baby brother. which is great, but why when i need them a lot they aren't callable. i called my big brother, he was at work and said he would call me back later. who else do i call?? i dont know anyone around here besides dan and my sister in law both down near colorado springs. i feel so lost and i keep crying. poor jon, he's so good at putting up with me (he went to work this afternoon, so im all alone!). coco isnt much of a help about expensive car troubles. i wish that i just had some long lost rich relative that would help me.

life is so depressing lately. love is great lately though, Jon is a great husband! never really did understand why he loves me so much. we can do it, we can do it, we can do it. . .

class today

2008-02-12T20:39:00.002-06:00

oofta, yes, that is a Minnesotan word. but sometimes it just fits so well.

today i had my large format and lighting class. in other words, i was stuck in the same studio bay for 8 to 9 hours. it wasn't too bad today, i got to take a few of the pictures with a digital leafback. in other words, i could look at the laptop and see the product without having to spend hours in the dark room. i have decided that this class is the load that is bearing me down. a good thing, i am passing it with at least a B, midterm is now over, and only about 5 weeks left of the quarter.

So Jon came and visited with me at school today during my last couple hours of class. it made it so much better. i love him lots! i wish i could take him with me more often. he deserves big 'ole kisses. oh that reminds me, i have no idea what i am going to do for him for valentines day. i'm thinkin'.

i registered for classes today. i will be taking photojournalism (which i am really excited about!), printing, photographic matterial..., advanced lighting, and spanish 1. thats it.
Here are a few pics i took with the leafback for lighting class.

cars SUCK! / rambling rumbles

2008-02-07T09:49:00.000-06:00

another day, another problem. I took my car into midas yesterday to see what was wrong with the muffler. When the man returned and told me the problems, he said there are a couple things wrong. All in all, it could cost up to $1,200. That is an ouch right there.

On a good note, I finally received my book that Jenny and I are going to do a Bible study together with. Also, yesterday I didn't have school or work, and I got my wedding ring back from "the shop". It feels good to have my ring back on my finger, I felt naked without it. Jon and I ended up staying up until around midnight, I am tired today. And I forgot my hard-drive at home today. I swear I put it in my backpack. Oh well, my teacher is nice and just made me feel bad for forgetting it. He said he could be fired if he forgot his hard-drive and so on. I know I did something wrong, so you don't need to tell me again. . .

I'm sitting in class on my break, my tummy is growling. I should call my mom today, see how the China business is going. hmmmm... I have to work at 2:30 today. We are taking pics of two wrestling teams of 50 some kids. That will be fun. Mike put three of us on the job though so it should fun and pretty easy.

So anyone have any photography jobs they know about and can fly me there? I wonder if the adoption agency could hire me to do documentary photography for them. doubt it, oh well.

It feels good to be thinking and then just write it down.

I love Jon! I can't believe we have been married over a year, and I can't believe he is turning 22 at the end of February.

Wow, if I have made it this far in life, I think I can make it a couple more years. ya think?

Taxes suck!! So because we are students that makes it tough. Jon and I talked to Regis Financial department because his tax form said that we hadn't paid anything, WRONG, we have paid over a thousand dollars last semester for his school. The lady said that the school didn't have to write how much you paid. It isn't required. DUMB! So the two of us are thinking about going to the accountant at the greenhouse to get our taxes done.

Remember this picture from China?

a bit stressed? YES!

2008-01-29T20:11:00.000-06:00

i am so worn out from today. i have been up since 5:15am and was at school from 6:30am to 6:30pm. i barely even saw the sun today. VACATION!!!! I'm ready! now that i am back from school i get to study study study for a test i have in western civ class tomorrow afternoon. the chemicals from the dark room are making me crazy... ok, so i am crazy anyways.

one good thing today; i got an A on my first assignment in large format photo, but in lighting (the sister class) i got a reshoot. also, we have an assignment due next week and i got most of that done, except something happened in the drying rack to my negative and now on my best neg. there are chemical spots. jerks!

alright, done complaining; i guess i got a lot done today and should be proud of myself. i am i suppose.

oh ok, my little tiff of the day. so i drive jons car to school today, pay for a parking permit for the day and then the school tells me i cant even get a one day pass to park there (the little sticker in the window), and then i park on the street and then i get a $25 ticket! screw the system! what is wrong with AiC having us pay over four hundred dollars a credit and plus 5 dollars per day in the parking garage. well screw you, you ass holes who steal the money from a students pocket!!! its not like students have money in the first place unless they are spoiled rich kids. aghh.

ive gotten it out of my mind, i feel a bit better, thanks

New Year and Beyond

2008-01-21T17:19:00.000-06:00

sorry it's taken me so long to make another post. after Christmas, and then new years time went by too fast. new years eve Jon and i stayed up watching a movie, drank a little bit of alcohol to the new year and then enjoyed ourselves some more. New years day, our first anniversary, we hung out together until around 5 when Jon's sister Mary came over whttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.photo.gifith the girls. We then drove overnight in his little volkswagen jetta with him and I and Mary and the girls all packed in. it wasnt a very cozy trip, unless you were in the drivers seat drinking some monster energy drink and watching the nothingness of nebraska go by.

back in minnesota we had very few minutes alone. our days were pretty much planned out to the T. one day here with so and so and another day there with the other so and so. it was a good non-vacation trip.

I now already on my third week of school. the projects keep piling on and work isnt getting me enough money; like always. this quarter I'm taking large format (with a 4x5 camera, the one that kinda looks like an acordian), lighting, digital Image, Western Civ, and color management. I would have to say that my plate is overflowing like at a Christmas dinner. The biggest complication is trying to juggle my time wisely and then keep my mind in an organized mess. I think I'm ok so far. We will see in about 3 weeks when the quarter is halfway over. One of my goals for the quarter is to keep my GPA up. At the moment it is at 3.6, which is the highest it has ever been, that i can remember. I'm so proud of myself. I guess its that time in my life where i have to start patting myself on the back and telling myself that i am doing a good job in life. it would be nice at times to have someone other than jon tell me that i'm doing a good job though. oh well. i guess im in the "real world" now.

Jenny and I are starting to be Bible-study buddies. I called her the other day crying my eyes out, just needing someone to talk to. She was there for me and that meant the world to me. I love that I have her! she is such a blessing. we talked about everything big and small that has been happening in our lives. it was wonderful...

Life seems to be getting me one thing after another after another. To have God, my husband, and a great friend to talk to is the best thing that could happen to me. It means the world to me that they will listen to all my questions about God and life and wont make fun of me or tell me i am a bad person for thinking the things i do. Never in life will you know all the answers, and even if you think you know the answer, it may not be right. I hate having the people in my life that when i even mention something that might have passed through my head or a question/theory that i am contemplating that they judge me and i am wrong right then and there. it is one of the most hurtful things a person could ever do to a friend or family member.

well there were some thoughts that went through my head. it feels good to write them down and get them out of my head. I suppose that is what journals are all about.

A Relaxing Christmas

2007-12-28T11:11:00.000-06:00

Christmas morning, we woke up to coco meowing (how annoying). When we eventually did get up we looked out the window to the white wonder of snow. Next we popped in the pot roast and got that started. after a nice warm shower jon and i sat down and opened the gifts we got eachother. the rest of the day was relaxing. i just worked on the puzzle jon got me and he played the video game i got him. the only thing that really took any effort on Christmas day was getting up, making the roast, and making the caramel corn. the caramel corn turned out delicious by the way.

The next day, jon and i went down to the springs and visited Mary and her family. We went sledding in the Black Forest. that was fun, the girls liked it, even though it was getting a bit chilly after the sun started setting. after that we went back to their house for meat balls and a debate between jon and matt. all in all a good few days.

My final Project for Class

2007-12-07T11:48:00.000-06:00

Here are the six pictures i turned in for my final project in principles of photography. None of the people in the pictures were actually smoking for those of you who want to know. Also you could probably tell if you are a smoker, cause they don't hold the cigarette right somehow. Thanks to my models, hopefully i get an A. Ok, the first pic is of clouds, that is supposed to be like the photographer Alfred Stieglitz. That pic was taken and edited for my history of photo class.

2007-11-25T20:07:00.000-06:00

a day off... finally

2007-11-12T11:20:00.000-06:00

oh man, a day off! it feels sooo good. then again, on this day off, i have to study for my midterm test in history of photography, i have to clean up the house, maybe wash some clothes, do my drawing assignment, and other not so fun things. but, i suppose, a day off is a day off and is still good nonetheless.

looking down at my hands typing on the keyboard, they are reflecting the cloudy light coming in through the window. the winter whiteness has come about my skin. After a summer of sun and being tan this is just weird to see.

other news, i am smelling a great "cowboy" stew. i made it last night and it has been soaking in the crockpot all night. it is going to be really tasty to eat for lunch.

jon and i went to church for the first time last sunday since we moved here. that was interesting. i dont know how i feel about church bodies. seeking and following God, totally cool, same with small Bible studies and so on, but big church bodies there is just something there that gets me and all i can do while i sit in service is go over and over in my mind how fake so many christians are. i honestly dont even like the title. i would rather just be a God-seeker or something like that; maybe not even have a title, just be that good person that God wants me to be. so yeah, i finally wrote that down, that has been simmering inside me for over a year or more.

here are some photos that i have taken for my principles of photography class.

a day behind

2007-10-22T21:07:00.000-05:00

i know, i havent been on here for quite a while. here are a few things that have happened to me since my last post. i was up in boulder with jon and we saw these girls taking a picture of this girl sitting infront of a bench. the girl sitting was a large girl and her pants were not big enough to cover her massive crack. i laughed so hard because of the girls taking the picture, the poor big girl didnt even know.

today at work we went into two inner city schools, the first, we walked in and passed a group of black pps, they were talking about being a virgin, saying up yours youre not a virgin. the next, i met this sweet old man who used to go to that school and is a photographer. after we were done outside with the football boys, we went inside to photograph the volleyball girls. we o in and no one was in there and so on... this guy showed us the team then at least five fights broke out. this security guy had to lay on top of three girls trying to stop the fight.

cocoa had a four hundred dollar surgery. there went our pay check.

the other day at work my coworker and i went up to a school near fourt collins and it was at a private school and so on. that day i drove jon's car. after the photo shoot was over i walked over to the car and the back tire was flat. there was a huge nail thing in it and so Ara and i attempted to figure out the jack, it was so different than mine. in the end we got it changed thankfully. oh to add to it, in the parking lot many of the teachers and students left the school, at least 5 or 6; not one asked if they could help in any way. that made me mad, especially at a christian school!

took photos at the broncos game yesterday. i got the job up in the champion sweet. i met several broncos alumni, including john elway and many other sweet handsome alumni.

the colorado rockies are rocking out denver! they made it to the world series, they are playing against the boston red socks. jon and i tried to get tickets, the whole server got overlaoded, and only a couple hundred people got tickets. they are going bakc onsale tomorrow at noon. crossing my fingers, hope we get tickets.

other than that, i dont remember what else i was going to write. so anyways, here is somethings that have been happeneing.

the minnesota rendezvous

2007-09-27T12:08:00.000-05:00

i had to go back to minnesota for a doc appointment. i drove back to denver with jons vw jetta and cocoa, a kitty. here are some photos from the rendezvous on the road and with my family. we stopped to visit both grandparents, then in iowa to visit a family that were with our group in china, then i headed out and was on my way with only me, cocoa, and the long flat road ahead. the family came the rest of the way later on and we met up here. we went to pikes peak and drove around in the mountains. very beautiful with all the aspins changing into their fall wardrobes.

hectic electricity

2007-09-09T18:21:00.000-05:00

my one day off for the week; today. i got my assignment done for tuesday, this is one i think an A isnt going to be happenin. other than that, yesterday i had to work. i got sunburn on my upper arms, its not that bad though. in the van on the way to the football field for league photos, mike and i were on 25 less than a mile from passing invesco field and the van's back, left tire went flat. all that was touching the ground was the flat rubber and the rims. that added a little life to the day. other than that. . . next week i work every day, even sunday. my birthday will be spent, sadly enough, at work. jon works every day next week and the week after training at target.

we might get an apple computer. that would be paid for thanks to jon's parents tribute to college paying (the money that we had them put in savings). it would be nice to work with the same program and system as they use at AiC.

anyways, the cool weather hit denver today. dont think it will stay too long but i absolutely love it! peace,

the license beuro

2007-09-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

and life goes on. another day of stress. so i woke up this morning to a fine, beautiful day. then i ate some cereal, read the paper (ok, so i didnt read the paper), checked my email, and other things, like doing the dishes for example. anyways, i got an email from my dad, another one with a letter from the state of MN saying they are going to revoke my license if i dont go in and get a doctors signature. now it has been two years since i have been off the sezure medication, i have only had one stupid sezure in my life (which was all a guess anyways), and it has been over 5 years since i had the brain tumor. i'm ready to be left alone, just let me live my life like a normal person. everytime i think about it lately it ticks me off and i just feel so helpless and just want to cry.

then, to go along with everything else, work is stressing and school is long, and i just want my girlfriends to be here with me. jon is great, i love him dearly, he is always lifting me up and keeping me going, but i want a friend outside of the home. i wish my girlfriends lived nearer. a night out on the town sounds great, if money werent a factor.

next week is my birthday, i turn the big old, way overly celebrated, 21. i work prety much all day on friday and saturday. my birthday will be another one spent at work. i hate being an adult. how about i dont tell any one and go run out to the mountains and get into my own little world again, the one of photography and poetry, the one that has left my side for quite a while now and needs to make a comeback.

a crazy thing, i was talking with this girl in my class yesterday, and she mentioned how nice it would be to just be able to take a picture of what your imagination is making. that is something i totally wish. i have all these words and feelings and pictures that come into my mind, but i cant draw them, i stink at drawing. the only way those things get out is through words which normally stuck in my mind like stop and go traffic, never getting to where i want them to go. or every so often, the green light hits and they all come out into this delicate form that no one else sees, or even knows about.

so i'm rambling; there is a lot on my mind. stop reading if you dont want to hear the rambling.

a dream... ever since i was a little girl and my parents would take us kids on vacation to the black hills, i have always wanted to live in the mountains. i want a house/cabin amongst the evergreens and aspin trees. where the aspins slowly change color in the fall to this bright yellow hue. where the smell of nature blows with the breeze into my home. where a small stream quickly rambles over the rocks and then and swiftly runs down the mountain side. where i could lay in bed at night and only hear the stream, crickets, and the clappping of aspins outside my window. in the winter the fresh snow will sparkle, untouched, in the new days sun and the smell of the log fireplace will comfort me. a place where late at night i could look up at the sky and see no sign of human light polution. where the stars will sparkle and glimmer in delicious delight to my eye. and every so often a stream of light will shoot across the sky, and i will make a wish. where in the night light, i could sit in emence peace with only my dog wagging its tail in the moons magnificent light (like snowy, painting the air with her white tipped tail, the only thing you could see in the night light). so i wish my life was always a dream. but dreams always end at some time or another and then again, so does life. life is but speck in God's eye. i am but a speck, almost as if i were just that small far away star in the galaxy in the makers eyes; left glowing, but barely large enough to desire any eyes attention.

long time, no post

2007-09-03T11:48:00.000-05:00

so a lot has happened during the time of no posting.
first off the brakes on the car were squeeking horribly. jon took it in to midas for a free checkup while i was at work last week some time and they said the right calliper was bad, and that it is wearing down the brakes on that side really bad. jon ended up taking off the tires and putting them back on a few times (he had to run to the store for something a few times, and its far enough away not too be able to walk). finally he ended up just changing the brakes and putting lube on the right calliper, the calliper still needs to be changed but that we are planning on getting done some other time.
next to that jon started school the day after the car fiasco. he has two math classes and some general and religisious studies classes. seems like he's gannna like the math classes the best, supries suprise.
i have just been working and working and going straight from work to school on tuesday thursdays. the class is cool and all but its four hours long and i get freshman fatigued; they talk non stop and it ticks me off, they need to shut their huge traps and learn something. with work, its going good but mike always says im not loud enough: i dont want to yell. it isnt my thing to yell, unless i'm pissed off or fighting.
yesterday jon and i drove on I-70 straight into the mountains. suprisingly the car got prety good gas milleage, even though we were climbing 7 degree grades at certain points. we checked out a lot of the different ski towns and some were pretty prissy with huge million dollar houses, but the mountains in general were gorgeous. one town we veered off on had a lake and back in the woods and was very peacefull. someday i want to live in the mountains (just a dream, we will see where jon and i go after college and where we can get jobs).
anyways, here are some photos taken from the last few weeks, enjoy.

I love my friends

2007-08-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

Jenny came over this weekend. She left today around 1:00. I hate saying goodbye to good friends. That girl, just plain awesome! Her, Jon, and I hung out friday after she came here and we talked and had a movie night (like the old'n days for her and I). I miss some of the old'n days like that. on Saturday we went to the zoo and checked out all the animals, even though the crazy animal attack earlier this year to one of the workers, and the whole OSHA fiasco. after the zoo, we came back to our place and cooled off with water, freezies, and air conditioning! in the evening Jenny took us out to dinner and we walked around the down town out door mall. the sunset was gorgeous! Today we went to target so Jenny could pick up the tv show House, then we just sat on jon and i's new couches and relaxed, talked some. it was great. having a husband is great, but a great girlfriend is something that i couldnt go without. my heart smiles, while my eyes tear up. Love

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I Love Penguines!

Estes Park, CO

2007-08-10T07:28:00.000-05:00

yesterday was a good day. jon and i headed up to boulder and then decided to keep going. we ended up in estes park, co. it is in the middle of the gorgeous mountains and was awesome. here are some of the pics that were taken up there.

great day in the neighborhood

2007-08-04T21:53:00.000-05:00

Jon and I went hiking with dan at Mt. Herman, I love the name; Mt. Herman, haha. While we were up on the mount it started poaring so the three of us went back to dan's place, he changed, we met his land lady's dogs, then we went bowling. bowling was good, dan didnt do too well, but for once i got over 100. after bowling jon and i dropped dan off and headed to target and picked up a Wii. kinda a night on town for just getting the job yesterday. it was very fun!

lifetouch

2007-08-04T12:57:00.000-05:00

i have a job. i got it on my first interview. i am going to be working for lifetouch photography.

classes

2007-08-02T21:09:00.000-05:00

today was a good day. jon had a job interview; we think it went well. they will get back to him on monday. he also has another interview on monday. i on the other hand have an interview tomorrow at 2 with lifetouch, i kinda have a shoe in too... i hope. freshmen year of college dan and a man named wayne flew me back to spearfish and he is one of the head mans at liftouch in minnesota, he also is good friends with the high man here in denver. im crossing my fingers, knocking on wood, and so on. pray for me. back to today... i went and got the rest of my stuff done at AiC. I have one class on T. Th. from 6-10. also 40 of my credits transferred, that means i am 20% done with my photography degree. other than that not much happened today. jon and i found the post office. right now we are watching the office; which we havent watched since school. another thing, we played peanuckle (sorry bad spelling). alright later

a day in the summer

2007-07-31T18:05:00.001-05:00

yep. another day in brooklyn... oop denver. its a hot day here; the temp is up in the high 90s and the humidity is in the 70s. there are many crazy things here in the city. over 10 jewelers in one mall, crazy lisping people (with bad english) at the mcdonalds (good ice cream though!), overly high hydrolics (kinda like napolean dynamite, ok so exactly like that, even with mexicans in some of the cars), and of coars the mean people. jon and i miss the minnesota nice! we are going to have to become some crazzed mean drivers and unfriendly people to fit in in some places around the cities. oh well, i think we can make it.

denver is my home

2007-07-30T13:10:00.000-05:00

here is a before and after pic of the living room. i dont have one yet of the bedroom; its not done yet cause i am still painting the book shelf.
before:
after:

im liking it here. its a struggle knowing that we dont know anyone around here besides jon's sister and my friend dan. i'm overwhelmed; jon just doesnt understand. i need a mental break. to add onto the stress (im getting the cancor soar from stress) jons dad is still pushing and pushing for me to get that presentation/slide show thing done right away; he should be happy that i went to work on friday only hours before we had to move. it make me a anoyed that he keeps pushing, i understand he wants it done but give me some space: we just moved. i'm feeling the whole in-law thing happening... along with the moving, it was nice to have chris and jake help us out but the night after we got there they were all about getting a drink and other stuff. its as if chris was a mini jake, which isnt the best thing. both are great guys and i appreciate it butthye shouldnt have acted that way. alright, the good things. its great to have our new place, the schools are prety much ready to go and are ready for us to start (somehow UWS sent my transcript to jon's school. i dont know what to think of that) another is that our stuff is prety much unpacked and mary is coming over tomorrow with the girls for lunch, we are going to hang out with dan sometime this week. there's good and bad. ok, one odd thing... i havent driven yet in denver even though i have been here a few times, live here, and my car is here too. crazy.

7 hours left

2007-07-27T10:50:00.000-05:00

only seven hours left until jon and i are on our way to our new home in denver. crazy that it is that close. the last week has been way too crazy for my likings and the heat has been overwhelmingly suffocating. yesterday i was doing inventory at waite park ff and just standing there and persperating like nothing else. i'm not going to miss the minnesota humidity.

photographia

2007-07-23T13:34:00.000-05:00

i made this compilation out of some photos i have taken within the last few weeks.

oh man, life is busy lately. jon and i are moving out to denver on friday evening, driving the 14 hours there through the night. Jake, Chris, and Molly are out buddies that are coming with to help out. they are great. other than the moving, i went on the ride for kids with my dad yesterday; as always, my butt got prety soar. last week i got together with dena and we had a dessert together and chatted. saturday, we went to molly's grad party and packed up our stuff, my parents got a new dog, mya was overjoyed (lillian said that she does the nursery on wednesdays and mya always talked about snowy and how she was gone/dead now, sad). i got dehydrated today which didnt feel good at all; there is a first time for everything. tomorrow dad is hopefully bringing the trailor full of boxes from there house to dan and faiths house so that we can get that stuff in the the trailor we are bringing do denver. wednesday the youth group from snake river is coming over to the house to chill on the boat with us (jon and i have been teaching youth this summer). thursday pete, ryan starr, and dena are probably going to come over to go out on the boat, then friday jon and i have the day off and are going to finish packing and hopefully leave around 6pm. its prety crazy getting older, time doesnt like to stick around.